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Can You Come for a Visit? My ME/CFS Says No
My daughter and son-in-law just had a baby last week. We are thrilled. But we won't be able to see the baby or hold her any time soon. We won't be able to take over little gifts or help out with housework or babysitting.
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new article at empowher.com "What's There To Be Thankful For?"

Discussion in 'Lifestyle Management' started by Jody, Nov 10, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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  2. Dreambirdie

    Dreambirdie work in progress

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    Thanks Jody for another great article.

    Today I feel like such TOTAL CRAP, (again) that I can't bring myself to be grateful for any of this fucking shit. I spent an hour curled up in a ball in bed wailing my eyes out. I feel so alone and so fed up. It's just too much sometimes.

    I know you know what I mean. I just want to feel better. (DAMN FUCKING HELL.)
  3. Merry

    Merry Senior Member

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    Touching article, Jody. Thank you. Bless your family for standing by you and doing what needed to be done when you were so ill.

    Dear Dreambirdie, so sorry. May the next hour be better in some way for you. Much better is what you deserve.
  4. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    Thanks Merry.

    I have been pretty lucky in many respects. :Retro smile:
  5. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    Hi db,

    I know you already know this but I'll say it anyway.:Retro smile:

    You don't have to make yourself feel grateful when you're feeling like total crap. Feeling like total crap is enough to deal with.

    I remember spending every evening after dinner, for 2 yrs or so, in my bedroom, chain-smoking cigarettes and having it out for hours at a time, with God. For the fact that he didn't exist (and no, it did not escape me even as angry as I was back then, the irony of this ... I mean, if he didn't exist ... who was I talking to?:rolleyes:) , for the fact that I was sick, for the loneliness, the poverty, the isolation, the boredom, the pain, the anger, the lack of friends ... I went on and on night after night for a couple of years. I never ran out of stuff to bitch and carp and cry and complain about.

    I think I had to do that. I don't think I could have skirted around it. I was ANGRY. To the core of my being. I was done pretending. I wanted to get down to whatever was real ... and this was what I found in there. Lived in it a good long time. (Still re-visit regularly but that is another story.:rolleyes:)

    Ya gotta be real. And if this is what reality is for you, don't do yourself the disservice of trying to pretend it is different than it is.

    All that being said, ... I hope you feel better soon. I want this tide to turn for you so much.
  6. Dreambirdie

    Dreambirdie work in progress

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    Thank you Jody. I know you know. And that helps.

    I was doing SO MUCH BETTER just 6 weeks ago, walking 30 minutes/day, doing yoga every night, feeling occasionally HUMAN... And then all the SHIT hit the fan again: mold remediation workers invading my house every day for the past 2 weeks, a tooth abscess that I am still too exhausted to deal with... and now (just yesterday) my partner gave me a damn cold virus on top of it... I would like to pulverize him for that!

    It's those downslides back in to hell that are so freaking hard. JUST TOO HARD right now. Too much, too long, too hard. Fuck damn shit hell mother fucking carp! I want OUT!

    Thanks for letting me vent.
  7. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    db,

    You don't have to thank anybody for "letting" you vent. You have the right to vent as much and as often as you need to.

    If you can, hold on to the fact that you WERE doing better, much better. And you will come back to that place again. You know it happened, you know it was real. It can be done again. And, baby, you will.
  8. Dreambirdie

    Dreambirdie work in progress

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    Thanks again Jody. I really appreciate your kindness. It made me cry more, but in a good way.

    love you! DB
  9. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    db,

    A little wailing is good for the soul. And tears are detoxifying.:Retro smile:

    Love you too.
  10. liverock

    liverock Senior Member

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    Jody

    I know how you and dreambirdie feel because the same feelings hit me whenever a crash is imminent.:rolleyes: and its good to vent(especially to God because he knows exactly what your going through).

    Whenever it gets too bad though I remember Philip. He was a 6 year old who attended our church and went down with leukemia 6 months after his father died. Because his Mother couldnt drive, I shared driving her to the cancer hospital with Maureen, an infant schoolteacher.

    I'll never forget going through that children's cancer ward for the first time and thinking I'll never complain about life again, it was that traumatic. Maureen reckoned that it changed her attitude to her pupils forever. "They used to annoy me when they wouldnt be quiet in class" she said, " But now it doesnt bother me, I'm just so glad to see they are all healthy."

    Philip fought hard and lived for another 14 years but his story can still shut my complaining mouth whenever I think about him and those other kids.

    And now theres Kirsty, she was a beautiful 23 year old whose only ambition was to get married in a long white dress in church. She too got leukemia and when the doctors told her there was no more they could do, she went out and bought the dress so she could be buried in it. She died 2 weeks ago.

    That will probably cut short my complaining for a while as well.
  11. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    Liverock,

    I know a few people who help me keep things in perspective by their lives and circumstances as well.

    A relative who'd been in a coma after a supposedly routine surgery. Her husband had just retired, kids had moved out with their own lives .... and now this happens. Their kids were in their twenties so there weren't little children involved but terribly tough on those kids anyway. After more than a year, she began to come 'round. But nobody knew how much of herself she'd regain, how much apparent brain damage would recede. A couple years later she's doing much better but still needs lots of care.

    Lots of heartache to go around in this world. I know I am luckier than so many.

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