God help me and my family because no one else can. Five generations of my family have been affected by this illness to different degrees -- my grandmother, my mother, my aunts, me, my son, and my grandchildren. Now that I have tested negative to XMRV, I won't be able to convince anyone else in my family that they have this illness and they need to try to find something to help them. I felt I was the perfect specimen for this XMRV retrovirus infection. Now I have to continue to live with this confusion, this chaos, this inability to get help, this unbearable life -- with no answers. I am going to try retroviral drugs. I have nothing to lose. I have done everything to try to cope with this illness and get over it for 35 years. There is nothing else for me to do. I would say that anyone younger than me should be more cautious. There is a real chance that they will eventually find something to help you, but I have run out of time. I watched that documentary on channel 4 and HBO last night called Lazarus Rising. There were people who were dying and looked like walking skeletons who made a miraculous recovery after taking the anti-retroviral drugs for only four months. They were laughing, working, taking care of their families. I couldn't believe it.