My husbands pretty good, does nearly all the housework and works and runs kids around and takes them out, attends school events without me if needs be etc.
The issue is if you have family and kids, you cant keep nice and calm all the time - daily life is too full to allow that. My kids have homework to help with, exam pressure, their own illnesses to take care of, Drs appts, haircutting appts, friendship problems, school issues, bickering among themselves, disagreeing with me about things I think they should do. I have a dog that runs off regularly and comes back always covered in mud - then have to argue with the kids about who's going to wash him! They have friends come over - 4 tonight for a dance rehearsal! I also have two grown up children who are always ringing me up with things they need support with - they cant pay there rent, their girlfriend left them, they didn't get the job, my daughter is also sick and recently had a serious lung infection - she was ringing me up in the middle of the night crying and needing her mum. Then my husband drove a 10 hour round trip to go and get her and bring her here to be looked after - by me. I had to take her to the Dr's (I cant usually take myself, but you push yourself for your kids)then I had to make sure she took her medication 4 times a day, made her food (she couldn't get out of bed) kept her company even though talking was exhausting me, this went on for three weeks recently.
I challenge anyone to stay calm and not tax their adrenals when they have 4 children to think about and a mother showing signs of dementia and all the other things that normal life entails for middle aged people.
And yet despite all this I am one of the calmest and happiest people I know.
I did it and got a full remission from doing this (2-3 year remission) even though I had no other help at all (single parent) and had two very young children, my oldest child was 9-10 years and my other child was 7 years old. (the only help I had was one friend who did the shopping (I was too noise intollerent to have him in the house speaking to me). He'd leave the shopping left it at the front door for my daughter to put away..
Nearly every one can come up with a reason for not wanting to give up oo very much in order to try to improve be it .. "I need to work" or "I have children" or "I have a husband I have to look after".
I can say it is very very very hand to dramatically change ones life but I truly had no choice but to give up my mothering role and my 9-10 year old had to became my carer, the house keeper and also the carer of her younger sister (who is severely disabled physically and also had bad aspergers on top).
I had before this pushed myself so hard that I'd left myself unable to walk for 9 mths (couldn't even walk to the toilet most of time, I couldn't get myself drinks etc etc).
So when I started to pick up slightly, I knew at that point that I HAD TO CHANGE or I'd be that again very quickly and maybe for years next time not for just 9mths bedridden, so I had to change my whole life no matter how much I hated what had to happen to make sure I didn't get worst again and to give me a chance of recovering.
I realised what I had to do when I was still in the bedridden stage and getting to point in which I could start to sit again more etc. I made a deal with myself that I would do everything possible to get my health headed in the right direction and keep bit going that way. I told myself no excuses.
This situation was very damaging on the relationship between my youngest who I couldn't allow myself to interact with as it would make me sicker (she wasn't allowed to come into my room or make noise, both kids had to be very quiet or I'd go into like seizures) and this relationship never recovered (it was damaged though probably before I even got to the point of being able to do aggressive rest therapy simply due to me just being far too sick for any interactions with a child, she ended up thinking she was unloved).
I couldn't allow the children to have friends over and my eldest at only 9-10 years old had to come straight home and take care of me as by the time she'd get out of school I'd be out of water and laying there very thirsty in bed. (I almost died the first time I crashed severe and just couldn't allow this to happen again as it put my very life at risk and then my children may of lost me forever..
I HAD TO GET BETTER FOR MY CHILDREN no matter what I had to do to achieve this, so I used my motivation as a mother to give me the inner strength to do what was needed.. Needing to get better for my children was my motivation for doing the aggressive rest therapy (in which my child continued to care for me even after I first started being able to do things again). Aggressive rest therapy ended up leading me to getting better and getting into a full remission, so then I had 2-3 well years (unfortunately by then my youngest child had gone to live with her father).
I'm not saying this is right for you but I'm just wanting to point out that some of us do even in family situations cut back to the point that we stop doing things which are being damaging on our healths. Some of us even though its very hard to do as a mother, get the children to take on a caregiving role to find out if we have a chance of getting better with resting more.
It's just a matter of what works for the person health wise and what choices or hard decision a person is prepared to take. For some it will be decisions around family while others it may be giving up a dream job and going on a disability pension so to be able to look after oneself better.
To me it had became a life and death thing so it wasn't hard to make the choice which needed to be done to keep me from crashing like that again and giving myself a chance to improve even if my young child was put in a terrible situation of having to take care of me a year longer then the near year I was completely unable to do a thing and almost dying.. (choice for me wasn,t hard after what I'd already been throu, doing or rather not doing still was hard)
I had to make a choice between "do I want to probably be bedbound forever, never being able to do anything with my children outside the bedroom if at all? or do I want to give myself a chance to improve? (there was no other choices) when I was well aware that the less I do, the better I go and that continuing to do just made me far sicker (I was ending up in comatose states days at a time).
Any a bedbound person can make choices when they have kids eg the children cant have friends over as I need peace and quite..or sorry children, I cant help your homework if you need help you will have to ask your teacher (my childrens teacher was informed I couldn't help). I gave up EVERYTHING I possibly could which was harmful to my health and tried to do everything possible which helped it. I would of never had the remission without such a mammoth effort.
sorry to hear that, that's one of my biggest fears for my children. Im glad to hear she's going to see KDM before it becomes full time. I hope there is a way to boost her immune system. (I recovered between "bouts" for the first year of this).
