I'm feeling this SO HARD today. I spend 90% off my time on the couch, as getting up and doing things makes me so tired and out of breath, but some days I just want to push through out of frustration and low self esteem.
I know it's not helpful and would likely lead to more frustration and feeling worse but some days I'd much rather deal with PEM than feeling so trapped, useless, and terrible about myself
6 Years ago I could deadlift 180KG, squat 160 and bench 106, 3 years previously I had been convinced by someone that free weights were a useful and above all controllable method of stopping, or at least slowing, the physical decline caused by M.E. if it was done carefully, slowly and with large rest periods in between sets. And I needed that because at the time it looked like I was only a few months away from needing a wheelchair, which living alone in a 2nd floor flat with no lift would have been problematic.
By the standards of other people doing the sort of training I was, those aren't large weights, I wasn't strong, I wasn't weak but I definitely wasn't strong. By the time I stopped lifting I had gone from being only able to lift 40KG once, and getting PEM'd, but being able to walk several miles, slowly and only a couple of times a week, to being able to lift 180KG but only able to walk a few meters, being constantly PEM'd and literally everything else had gone from my life, the brain fog was crippling, the exhaustion was crippling, I was so sick I could barely stand, but I still wanted to train.
Role on to the last month. I've got a lot done in the last month, even though I haven't been on top form I'm only moderate most of the time ATM. I've fixed a washing machine (drain pump), I've put up a cupboard and fitted a spice rack to it, I've moved the bedroom around - in short 30 years ago a light afternoon's work - it's taken me a month.
To do it, on top of routine life things I've need to supplement, CoQ10 (to lift brain fog a bit), magnesium (erm...coz it seemed like a good idea, can't remember why but..), a good B complex, L-theanine, even tried, again D3 (really, really bad idea) and B1 (probably a mistake - come off it for a few days waiting to see if my temperature comes down to a sensible level).
A couple of days ago I moved a couple of 20KG plates to put them under the bed (I still live in hope that one day, one day I might be able to lift again). They were heavy, but no heavier than I remember them being.
Last night I decided to move the stack of 1.25KG weights and put them under the bed, I couldn't even lift them individually and hold them level (not needed for carrying them but when I'm trying to put them in a stack under the bed the ability to lift and hold one more or less level is needed), the day before I could do it with 20KG plates. A cup of tea weighs about a kilo, a dinner plate with food on it weighs about a kilo - the ability to hold objects weighing about a kilo level is fairly important unless you like eating/drinking through straws.
Today, thanks I think largely to the CoQ10 I was able to reprogram a Raspberry Pi to run "Scratch 2" for a nephew, it took around an hour, including googling how to do it, setting up the card programmer and configuring/testing. Pretty much all sit down, trival work (I used to be heavily into breaking encryption systems etc. - flashing a card should be a trivial job even if my brain has been removed, placed in a jar, microwaved and fed to 34 cats).
It finished me, crashed me, totally, couldn't even sit up, several hours later I'm only able to sit up due to morphine, which probably means it's a bad idea, tomorrow is unlikely to be fun at all.
Trying to maintain an image, or desire, to remain "fit" if you have M.E., whilst perfectly natural, is in my experience, ultimately a bad idea.
