Moving out issues - advice needed please

[Willhm]

Hello,

I have discussed with my parents the possibility of moving out and thy are very supportive and agree that it is a natural process for someone who wants to move on in their life. But of course we both have problems and issues we share in our worry for.

Some of these things are easy to overcome if I have the energy, eg. Proving to myself I can make all my own meals each day, wash my own clothes, wash myself etc. and these are all things I am working on and we both feel that they are quite easily attainable.

The bigger issue is: loneliness.

I am lonely now but also feel like I have no time for myself because there is almost always someone around at home, but again my parents understand it can get stifling to not have my own space.

About a year and a half ago I stopped seeing my old friends (who I actually never saw) and started with a couple of new friends. Issue is that they now live miles and miles and miles away and even my old friends will be moving in a few months. I can barely leave the house, I am aiming to get it up to getting to leave for 40 minutes maybe, enough to get a newspaper and go for a little walk, but 30 minutes is more reasonable.

So the issue is how can I not be lonely and stay social basically but while I am practically housebound?

We both agree I can't move if I am going to see less people but I also can't continue to stagnate at home. The plan is at first to rent somewhere near by and see how things go.

Although I appreciate that you will trying to help, I am looking for answers to my social problem, not wether or not I should be moving etc. (I am not trying to sound rude although that may have come across like that, it wasn't intended to sorry).

Do any of you live alone or have lived alone with this illness or even if you haven't please any advice is welcome.

 

[caledonia]

I remember from my Psychology 101 classes way back about a thousand years ago , that "proximity" is important for making and keeping friends. So you're most likely to be friends with people you live near, go to school or work with, or see regularly on a social basis. When you're mostly housebound, that can really be a problem.

Thanks to the internet, a lot people are friends on here (in some cases this is their main or only contact with people), but it's not quite the same as real life.

I would try to think about ways that you can meet or be around people, such as having a roommate, close proximity to something social that you can attend fairly regularly, etc. Some ideas might be a church, pub, or something low key where you could attend monthly meetings and volunteer, etc.

Some people have made ME/CFS communities or MCS communities where they can live in close proximity to others with similar issues, so they can get support, but still be independent.

Maybe you could live in your apartment during the week, but stay with your parents on the weekend.

Anyway, just some ideas.

 

[Little Bluestem]

Are there any TV shows you and your parents enjoy watching together? Getting together to watch them, either at their place or yours, would be better than watching alone.

Is there a coffee shop, cafe, or similar near where you live? You could go there and have something to drink/eat regularly and try to meet people. You could go at different times to see if there was any particular time that people came to socialize.

 

[*GG*]

Do any of you live alone or have lived alone with this illness or even if you haven't please any advice is welcome.

Yes, I do live alone, had a GF for about 5 years, been apart for about 3 years now. I work part time for the last 8 years, been ill for 10 years now.

I think living close by is a good idea, so your place with your parents is not large enough for you to have your own "space"?

GG

 

[Misfit Toy]

I live alone and can get out and work part time, but even I feel lonely. I think that is the feeling that comes from the depression of the illness and wanting more than just a friend here and there. Most of my friends love to text me, which I don't like. No one wants to really "talk" anymore.

It's an adjustment and it is a hard one. I could never live with my mom now, but I wish I could. I felt more centered and not so in my head when I lived with her. She is too old now.

Definitely go and enjoy time with your parents. Go home, as other suggested, and watch TV with them or have dinner. It's so important to have people, in person, to vent to, etc. To me, a virtual existence is not that much fun. There is nothing like hearing someone's voice or having someone give you a hug or even help you with your wash, or whatever you may need.

Good luck!