I'm not bitter. It's just irrelevant for my health. It was also irrelevant for my friends who died of cancer and HIV/AIDS in that none of these things saved their lives. What my friends lost was the idea that something could save them. The ones who survived HIV/AIDS knew that they did so because they could get drugs. They saw so many people who didn't and who died. Really sorry that you don't experience things in the same way Hip. I never had a spiritual sense so no loss there for me. Music does still move me. Art and all my normal cultural appreciation is still there. I don't think that my "celebral hardware" is damaged in the same way as you. All my abilities to feel deeply in this way are still there. Hope you are able to feel these things again. Really sympathise. Makes the disease even less easy to bear.