I posted a couple of times that I was doing really well on a cocktail of various b vitamins and other supplements and prescriptions. But since then, I've had a major turning point that has made me go off almost everything and I doubt I'll go back. I went to Costa Rica for dental work and had to go on antibiotics for yet another uti/kidney stone infection. For a while now, I've been struggling with irritability and depression and anxiety. I just decided I wanted to take a break from everything while in Costa Rica in light of the infection and antibiotics and I was sort of shocked that while my energy decreased, my moods improved dramatically and I felt calm around my kids and family. A week into the trip, I took a niacin (still having not made the connection) and found myself feeling extremely irritable and snappy with my family. My friend who takes the same called my a couple days later coincidentally saying she felt like the b vitamins really negatively impacted her mental health. So I decided to stop fighting what felt like a losing battle for now. I don't know how to phrase this well but basically I've been fueled by such intense determination and optimism and refusal to accept that I couldn't biohack this disease and solve the puzzle. Figuring out the cardiac component was magical and going on beta blockers was a game changer in many respects. But I'm still tired all day, still prone to medical crises. The supplements gave me a strange shell of energy but below the surface was still the same tired body. I've invested so much money, time, mental energy, cabinet space to finding a tailored cocktail that would jumpstart me. And yes, the supplements gave me a boost but i hadn't realized how horrifically they were effecting my mood and making me miserable to be around. So I just want to be done. I'd rather spend my energy with my kids than swimming against a current. I'm going to try Pilates out and I'm going to stay on the beta blocker and the LDN and ketotigen. The latter has helped me with allergies a lot. I thought the LDN did nothing and went off it and felt these very familiar symptoms where I felt like I was constantly fighting off the onset of a cold. Starting LDN made those symptoms go away. So I'll stay with it. I wish I could get energy...real, genuine energy. Not yawning all day long or feeling like a lazy lump. Maybe a big breakthrough is coming but for now I don't want any more doctors appointments, cabinets filled with supplements, body like a lab rat. The only thing I am still interested is FMT but not even enough to go out and do it yet...just a someday maybe kinda thing. Anyway, it's very bittersweet to give up trying and admit defeat.