I have tried so many things to improve but nothing helps. Everything I try makes things worse and I do not think that time will miraculously make me better. I had a good week last week, started to dream about living a relatively normal life but then I realised it was only because I had a cold (which happens once a year maybe). I am now back to chronic exhaustion and all the other wonders that CFS entails. I try so hard to remain upbeat, to live a worthwhile existence regardless of my health limitations but it has just dawned on me that I will probably never have a job that gives me any satisfaction, social life, hobbies, friends etc and I may wake up for the rest of my life in pain, tired, nauseous etc. I don't know where to turn now and I don't know how to accept this half life, this life that is often torturous and a life that has slowly but surely eroded my self esteem and worth and everything I held dear to me. If you are healthy but not happy with your life there is so much that you can do but I feel trapped. I see life, want to grasp it with open arms and never give up trying to change things but what happens when you hit a brick wall every time? every. single. time! Do I just exist? Is that what my life has become? An endurance test? I fantasise about getting a terminal illness. Sorry if this is hard to read. Just the truth and wondered if any of you feel the same.