1. Patients launch $1.27 million crowdfunding campaign for ME/CFS gut microbiome study.
    Check out the website, Facebook and Twitter. Join in donate and spread the word!
Give ME the Money
Graham McPhee spells out some of the cold, hard facts about the dismal state of ME research and politics, and has some suggestions as to what we can do about it ...
Discuss the article on the Forums.

I'm sorry

Discussion in 'Lifestyle Management' started by Jody, Aug 25, 2009.

  1. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    I think most of us (me included) apologize way too much.

    Anybody else notice this?

    Any other thoughts?
     
  2. InvertedTree

    InvertedTree Senior Member

    Messages:
    157
    Likes:
    5
    I'm sorry too! :)

    Yes! I chuckled when I read your post. I just apologized to two people this morning. One of them was my doctor. I find that since getting sick I apologize way too much. It's the shame I feel about being so disabled by this and having to "bother" other people.

    I'm so sorry for writing this. :D
     
  3. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    LOL

    So funny!

    We really do, you know?

    Maybe it's not just chronics that do it but it's only us chronics I'm interested in. :D

    And I've noticed in emails and on forums (where I have most of my contact with people) that it is a pandemic.

    We must stop this plague!

    Repeat after me --

    "Oh yeah? Wanna make something of it?"

    "I'm TAKING the last piece of pizza! (or fish head or vitamin ... fill in the blank)"

    "I don't give a hoot what anyone thinks about it!"

    "Whaddaya mean I'm in your way? You're in MY way."

    A little behavioural therapy, we need to stop apologizing for taking up space and breathing the air.

    And for ... long posts. :eek: **gasp!** (Oh no! not long posts!) :eek:

    Any more suggestions out there? :)
     
  4. Lisa

    Lisa Senior Member

    Messages:
    446
    Likes:
    15
    Western Washington
    LOL, I'm TAKING the last fish head! Rofl, that's great stuff there. Should become the moto of these forums or perhaps just it's own section title.

    I'm taking that last fish head!
    Lisa :D
    hehehe
     
  5. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    Lisa,

    Glad you like it.

    We've all got it to some extent. I mean, it's like we've all got a ... sickness or something. :D
     
  6. Frickly

    Frickly Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,046
    Likes:
    35
    Texas
    Sorry for being a downer but....

    What we are really sorry for is being ill. Not having the energy to be the strong person that we used to be. Asking things from others that we could always do on our own in the past. For being weak.

    We have to say I'm sorry when we ask our loved ones to take on additional tasks. We know they are already stressed and feel guilty about asking for more. Is it fair to them? When we ask for help with house work we have to say, "I'm sorry, I just can't do it on my own anymore. I am sorry. But can't change it. I do feel guilty. But can't fix it. I don't know what the answer is.

    My husband told me tonight to not give up. I have not given up hope but wonder if I had another disease, would it be easier to say, I know what I have, the cause, and there is no cure. Then I could adjust my life to this new reality.

    If we could accept it then, I wonder, if we wouldn't feel the need to say "sorry".
     
  7. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    No apologies necessary Frickly. :)

    And you're not being a downer. You are just stating facts.

    I think everything you said is true.

    Which is why for me, it feels important to let people here feel ... free to not have to apologize, in one place in their lives.

    For some this stupid thread has been cathartic, and has let them let go of a bit of that terrible apologetic feeling.

    You and I screw around a good bit on here because it helps to lighten the load from time to time. Sometimes it helps to just have a twisted laugh at things that have been hurting.

    I totally understand if this thread doesn't do that for you. Not trying to minimize the severity of what we all deal with. Just trying to maybe ease it up a bit for awhile. :)

    I know you were an independent capable person. I know it hurts like hell not to be able to be and do like before. I am hoping that things will improve for you over time, and that you will be able to get some peace about the whole gruesome affair.

    I think you're great. :)

    I love having you on here. :) And mark my word -- you WILL kick some butt before this whole thing is done.
     
  8. Frickly

    Frickly Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,046
    Likes:
    35
    Texas
    Jody

    I do appreciate this thread. This "sorry" thing is a big problem but don't know how to get around it. This roller coaster really screws with a persons emotions. Just when you start to think things are getting better and you can start to try new things, it goes right down hill again. Tomorrow I will be finding new jokes to put on the "amusements"thread.:)

    "Not trying to minimize the severity of what we all deal with. Just trying to maybe ease it up a bit for awhile. "

    I don't think your trying to minimize anything and do not take offence to this thread. Just having a bad few days. Was that an apology?


    Take care,
     
  9. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    Hang in there, Frickly old girl.

    Back in the day I was pretty independent and active and couldn't believe the shock of having it all go away. From needing Al to take over with the kids, to having him do all the shopping, etc. Sometimes needing him to cut my meat for dinner. Terrible!

    Even though he didn't mind doing it I hated having to ... ask for help, hated being dependent, hated being so blasted needy all the time.

    It's a tough pill to swallow. Then when things start to improve, you hope all that is over, and ... another drop.

    But it can get better again, you know that, right? (Cos you've been through all this before, right? :)) Take your time. Let your husband do things for you, listen to him when he tries to offer you support and comfort. Let yourself ... depend and lean when you need to.

    The feisty Frickly WILL have her day again. Just maybe need a break for awhile.

    It helps to tell your buds on the forums when you're having a rotten time.
     
  10. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    You are flirting awfully close to the line, Frickly, but we will let it go this time as you are under some duress just now.:rolleyes:

    You will bounce back. You are made of hardy stuff. :)
     
  11. Lisa

    Lisa Senior Member

    Messages:
    446
    Likes:
    15
    Western Washington
    Sorry to hear about the bad days lately Frickly. Wait... does that count as an apology?? hehe

    It can be so darn frustrating to be feeling better then have something tip the scales the other way. Next thing you know, that independence is lost and you are back to having to say "I'm Sorry" for so much more.

    "I'm sorry for asking you to do what I can not."

    I would rather be saying "I'm sorry for taking the last fish head but its yummy!" hehe :)

    Till then - Jody, watch where you aim that whiffle bat or I might have to go get my nerf one. Be like an epic Star Wars battle. My battle cry will be "I'm sorry for taking the last fish head!!!" and yours could be "Stop saying your Sorry!" hehe

    Just kidding around. It is good to have a place we don't need to apologize for being ill, long winded, poor spellers, poor writers, silly woofing goofballs, or any number of other things. :) hehe

    Lisa :)
     
  12. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    Yeah, except that I would KNOW that you were NOT sorry at all, not one tiny bit. :D
     
  13. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    Marco,

    I think all of us go through something like what you've described. Some have a harder time with it than others. And some have more support from the people around them than others do.

    Which is why I started this thread. :)

    I know what you mean about it being confusing, and seemingly contradictory. But you make good sense to me. :)
     
  14. Victoria

    Victoria Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,371
    Likes:
    131
    Melbourne, Australia
    Frickly,

    I think it helps being single & living on my own (& for the most part working most of the day in my own office), I don't have anyone to say sorry to.

    Sad, isn't it?

    I'm not sorry too much at all.

    I used to feel sorry, that I wrote too long a piece on the forum (so that you all get tired trying to read the whole saga).

    I vow I'm going to learn how to be concise & to the point, but the reality is, I like "waffling on & on" with my posts.

    It's better than talking. Talking makes me very tired (& on the phone, forget it, why do you think I really got my landline disconnected last December. I haven't the energy to talk).

    I figure there's just a chance you might get a laugh, or a smile, or I might interrupt your day with some thought provoking sentence, or make you groan with dismay.

    So I'm NOT sorry I write such long posts.

    I'm glad.

    But the fact is, I'm really, really, really sorry for having to leave you all again (& get back to my accounts work).

    Because if I don't, I will end up getting the "boot" outta here & then I'll be genuinely sorry that I won't have any money to stay connected to the internet at home, and then I REALLY will be sorry to lose my contact with real friends & genuinely, kind, thoughtful & compassionate people.

    So, Frickly, once again we end up saying "sorry".

    We just can't help it.

    Victoria
     
  15. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,078
    Likes:
    552
    Canada
    Vicki,

    You could never write a post too long for us.

    You make me laugh, groan, and surprise the heck out of me over and over again. :)

    And I think your post is a beautiful example of the healthy ways to be "sorry".

    I know I've just written two posts in a row.

    And I'm sorry.

    Not. :D
     
  16. condra

    condra

    Messages:
    41
    Likes:
    0
    Heheh the thread title made me giggle.

    It reminded me of a cheesy song I wrote for my then girlfriend a few years ago called "You're Really Nice".

    One of the verses went:

    You're really pretty, you dress nice every day.
    You have good taste in music, except for Keane and Coldplay.
    If you stay with me, I'll be really really chuffed.
    And I'm really really sorry, for saying sorry too much.
     

See more popular forum discussions.

Share This Page