Invest in ME Conference 12: First Class in Every Way
OverTheHills wraps up our series of articles on this year's 12th Invest in ME International Conference (IIMEC12) in London with some reflections on her experience as a patient attending the conference for the first time.
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I'm going on a mission! wish me luck

Discussion in 'General ME/CFS Discussion' started by notmyself, Aug 2, 2017.

  1. notmyself

    notmyself Senior Member

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    I feel very bad the last days, maybe is pem ,i don't know..but is a wake up call that i actually not improving as i tought.. Today is particulary bad,I probably have some sort of psychosis right now,but i trully hate my body,i feel like is my enemy,so i'm gonna give him something to remember..i'm going for a run ,to see how much i can till the point of collapsing.

    If i can run 20 km( ridicoulous psychotic hope) especially today on what seems to be pem for me, i will consider myself just insane ,having somatic disorder or other psychological issue and that the fatigue and the rest of symtoms i am feeling are not from an organic cause.At least psychological issues can be cured,there is hope..with this disease there is none..I will more than sure would not run even half than that distance,but i will die trying..I'm young ,i was in good shape, if i don't have cfs i should be able do do it..Period..
     
  2. TiredSam

    TiredSam The wise nematode hibernates

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    You may regret throwing away what's left of your health. It's more likely that your body is going to give you something to remember for a long time, and you'll be stuck with it. If you must, why don't you go on a 1km run and see how you feel for the next two days?

    There isn't really any such thing as a somatic disorder - it's a load of bollocks made up by wannabe intellectuals who are too lazy to think and don't like saying "I don't know". You are ill, look after yourself.
     
  3. Luther Blissett

    Luther Blissett Senior Member

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    Please don't do this @notmyself

    We are here to talk with you if you find it helpful.

    We have plenty of people who have gone through similar thoughts and situations, you are NOT alone.

    It doesn't sound like psychosis, it sounds like you are grieving for the life you want and are denied.

    Please accept our offering of solidarity and friendship, and try to be gentle with yourself.
     
  4. Kenny Banya

    Kenny Banya Senior Member

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    Where are you based?
     
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  5. Wonko

    Wonko Senior Member

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    The other side.
    Nobody, not even the insane, is supposed to undertake strenuous physical activity when they don't feel well. If your body is fatigued, rest, that's why it goes to all the effort of telling you it's fatigued.

    Few healthy people can complete a 20km run without preparation/training, so attempting it, and failing, will tell you nothing useful regardless of if you have CFS or not.

    Attempting it and succeeding will also tell you very little for a few days, and what it tells you may lead to a dramatic worsening of symptoms for a significant period, if you're struggling now then the risk just isn't worth it.
     
  6. rebar

    rebar Senior Member

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    Please don't.
     
  7. Marky90

    Marky90 Science breeds knowledge, opinion breeds ignorance

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    I actually did this with a 24 hour holter earlier in my disease, and my heart went arrhythmic several times as it struggled with whatever ME does. I remember feeling exactly as u do, a kind of "show me what u got-attitude. Generally all my aerobic adventures only amplified the bad spell I was in, but such is contradictory to almost every experience humans have with dealing with disease. Youre not supposed to get worse by trying to get better, right? Well, for your own good I would as the rest here advice you to reconsider.
     
  8. SickOfSickness

    SickOfSickness Senior Member

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    I agree with the others. Sometimes people are worse for months or years after a strenuous day or week. Sometimes after years they are still not recovered from the 1 incident.

    If you want to know your limits, you could get a 2-day exercise test so you have proof of how much you crash, and so a professional can be there in case things go very badly. But most are risking a serious crash from doing this test under medical supervision.
     
  9. Valentijn

    Valentijn Senior Member

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    Well that's easily solved without exercising yourself to death. Psychosomatic disorders don't exist - there's no proof that they do, and plenty of proof that most are actually biological. If you have chronic physical symptoms, they're real.

    If you're trying to prove something - to friends, family members, doctors, the media, or researchers - there's no point. Many people believe what they want to believe, and it's nothing personal, even if it's affecting you personally. It's just how life is. Putting yourself in the hospital won't change that, but getting the negative people out of your life will.
     
  10. Cheesus

    Cheesus Senior Member

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    I can verify this. I crashed years ago after pushing myself too hard. I never recovered.
     
  11. notmyself

    notmyself Senior Member

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    hi, thanks for the good advice,i know i am stupid,and maybe i will pay for this..the folowwing week is crucial for me..if i will not see any drastic worsening of health i can really consider i don t have cfs..CAuse i did it I run 20 km without to stop. was very very hard ,also because outside was 33 C temperature..but i did it..now all i can do is wait and see ,if the devil is coming or not :)..
     
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  12. Mij

    Mij Senior Member

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    I just deleted my post. Why bother?
     
  13. Daffodil

    Daffodil Senior Member

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    the fatigue.depression associated with CFS is different from the feeling you get from mental illness. you would know if it was psychological, trust me.
     
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  14. IThinkImTurningJapanese

    IThinkImTurningJapanese Moderator

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    Yeh, that sounds crazy even if you are healthy. :rofl:
     
  15. notmyself

    notmyself Senior Member

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    in the last 5 years ,my mind played all kinds of tricks on me so i can't trully trust how i feel..Indeed i do feel all this is psyhical and not psychological,but then how on earth i run 20 km?!..this is what drives me crazy...This madness can stop the following days..if i get more sick i can accept i do have me cfs..if i don't i probably have something else..we shall see :)
     
  16. IThinkImTurningJapanese

    IThinkImTurningJapanese Moderator

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    Maybe you should seek some help diagnosing the problem.
     
  17. notmyself

    notmyself Senior Member

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    i saw more than 10 doctors..: My diagnostics are: NEuroasthenia,cardio vascular nevrosis,Asthenic syndrome, depression,i get cfs from one aswell,but he said that is psycologic aswell,so he didint have a clue about ME..I also get from one : i wish i was as healthy as you!..so no much help from doctors in my country
     
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  18. Dainty

    Dainty Senior Member

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    Okay, let's say for a moment - just for the sake of discussion - that it's psychological. That all these symptoms are psychosomatic.

    Doing what you're doing is still self-harm. Intentional, self-harm. You know it's bad for you. It'd be bad even for a healthy person to go right into attempting that without training up to it.
     
  19. belize44

    belize44 Senior Member

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    The mind is not playing tricks. I have been ill for over 20 years, and the issue is not so much that I cannot do the things that I used to, it is that I don't care to pay the steep price for doing them. Only time will tell if your impulsive decision to run will have far reaching consequences. Believe me, I have to fight off such impulses whenever I am having a good day. I used to go running a mile nearly every day, before this illness. Then, as the illness progressed I was only able to walk one lap around a high school track; even then I should have stopped because I was pushing myself to the point where I am now. If I had known to pace myself, perhaps I wouldn't be disabled.

    We all get frustrated and want to be healthy again. But forcing yourself to run is like flogging yourself with a whip. All you will do is be sore afterward and feel no better.
     
  20. belize44

    belize44 Senior Member

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    Even if you have seen 20 doctors, they don't know everything, and it takes many of us multiple tries with doctors before we find one who actually cares enough to try and find the answers. I am surprised though, that you have had a cardiovascular diagnoses and forced yourself to run; a suicide mission indeed! Please know that your body deserves care and respect and this is not it.:(
     

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