@Gingergrrl43 I have written this offline in bits and pieces...couldn’t manage otherwise We need to find coping mechanisms to survive – there are the bad days and sometimes the good days. Of course “good” day for us is a relative term. Just as we stock up on the medicines and supplements we need for our bodies, we also need to get supplements in stock (= be prepared) for the emotional bad days. To deal with the guilt: On the “good” days let the people you know, know you care about them. Let them know that when you have bad days and say or do nasty things, it is nothing to do with them and everything to do with something going wrong in your body. If you are able to, write them a note or make a simple card (nothing fancy, fold a piece of paper in two and draw or write a message) and give it to them (even if you live under the same roof). This is all you can do in this situation. Try and take off the guilt coat - you are not deliberately wanting to hurt your loved ones. And if they care about you too, which seems so; they will understand when you have bad days. And remember “Those who matter don’t mind, those who mind don’t matter”. When you have a bad day, be kind to yourself. Get yourself some “me-time” ...find a quiet corner or shut yourself in a room..... some of these can work for physical crashes too. I read your posts and decided to put together some of the methods I use. 1. Do you like reading? I get myself a stack of books ranging from very light reading to not-so-light (all from the public library). But definitely not the gory crime and bloodshed variety! Depending on mood and what I can cope with, I may try to read. Sometimes, I turn pages without being able to really take much in. Doesn’t matter .... I’m just trying to distract myself. 2. How about some relaxing music? Will that work? Of course, listening to music can be passive and one can get even more emotional with some kinds of music – in which case, it’s no good. 3. Deep breathing can be relaxing and therapeutic. Focus on the breathing In and Out. Repeat the In and Out or count numbers. 4.Meditation mantras When you are having a good day, find a few mantras and write them on a sheet of paper and keep it where you can find it. The mantras can be a word like “Peace” or “Shalom”, a phrase like “All is well”, a quote, or a prayer or a short poem or a verse from a song or a psalm, the serenity prayer .... a universal affirmation like “Everyday in every way I am getting better and better and better” or you can use the words your husband said to you or make up your own. Anything that is positive ..... Get a prop (you don’t need one but I find it helps to keep me focussed) or you can use your fingers or something like a necklace with several beads, or a rosary or something similar. Recite your chosen mantra and count off the beads. If you get distracted and think of something else, say the fight you had, it’s ok, as soon as you can, come back to your mantra. If you start crying, cry, it’s ok, then come back to the mantra and continue. Keep at it for as long as you can. Over time, it will have a soothing, calming effect. You can repeat the mantra like a robot or you can reflect on the words as you repeat them. Whatever is helpful. You can stick it on the wall opposite your bed so you see it often and the subconscious absorbs it. I use the mantra method anytime I find I can’t cope. I am trying to get about with the little I can do whether it is cooking or on my way to get groceries and start to have some reactions, I think of a mantra or inspirational song and keep repeating it. 5. On a good day, when you are on the internet, instead of spending all your time related to health issues, take off 5 minutes and search the internet for stories of inspiration, songs and poems and quotes that will cheer you up. When you find something you like, copy it in a 'Scrapbook' document. Find some good jokes and cartoons ... you’ll get some on the PR site as well. If you find some really good ones that appeal to your sense of humour, copy them in another 'Jokes' document. The jokes may be corny or cute, wicked or weird, childish or highbrow ... if you find them really funny and fits in with your sense of humour, great. Now on your bad days open these documents, if you are up to it. You may find one of these stories or poems lifts your spirits. Check out the jokes .... if you are in low spirits they may not send you into peals of laughter, but maybe they’ll just get a small smile from you, and that’s good enough. What you are doing is trying to stay calm and sane under difficult circumstances. You don’t want the monster to get the better of you. So, do what you can to win each battle, even if winning the war is some way off.