After a recent relapse, I am beginning to pick up the threads again and would say I was managing to live about 50% of a life with lots of pacing. If I have any appointments to go to I'll try and spend the previous day in bed (if possible) and just do very little on the day of the appointment which I always try and make in the afternoon so that I get a chance to have extra rest and eat something half-decent before I go out. I feel dreadful in the morning and take a good couple of hours before I start to feel human and am able to get dressed etc. I don't feel in the least bit hungry at this time and would find it very difficult to eat anything. The first time I'm eating tends to be around 12 noon or 1 o'clock(ish). I trained as a person-centred counsellor years ago (just working voluntarily) but left it after 3 years to do something else and in 2016 I retrained in a desperate attempt to have something I could focus on and give me back some self-worth, having realised I probably won't be able to work any more. I was so pleased to be able to manage the training and began seeing clients (just two a week) in August. However I also started a postgrad Diploma course at University (one day a week) in September of that same year which was probably stupid but you know how it goes ...... we just want to be normal. My relapse was at the beginning of February and I'm slowly trying to pick up the pieces again. I have deferred on the course but it's likely that I'll eventually just withdraw altogether and yesterday (Thursday) I finally started seeing clients again. Just one for now. There was a lot riding on this - it was my only connection to feeling that I can actually do something I'm good at and even if I can only manage one client a week that's okay - I'll settle for that. The client couldn't manage on the first date and had a cold last week so cancelled. That was fine but it made it quite stressful psyching myself up for the appointment each week then having the disappointment at the last minute so I imagine my body would have been pretty stressed out yesterday when I finally got there. I've recently been having symptoms which I'm finding quite hard to deal with. Previously they've only been apparent when I've overdone it and am about to crash and usually that seems to happen after around a couple of hours of activity of some kind. I can see the connection and know what I have to do to manage that. I was therefore distressed when, in the middle of an appointment at the JobCentre the week before last, they kicked in after only an hour and after I'd stayed in bed all of the previous day and that morning. The same thing happened last Friday on the way to a hair appointment. I'd been feeling absolutely fantastic that day ironically but had still kept things low-key with very little activity the day before and about half way there it all kicked in and I had to turn back. I was gutted. My heart starts pounding, I get really hot, feel dizzy, 'spaced', slightly disconnected, legs go wobbly - and then the adrenaline starts shooting in - and that's the one I find really difficult to cope with. My body tenses up, I get scared it'll get worse, that I'll have to say something, that I'll collapse. I find it hard to sit still and very difficult to concentrate. All very much not conducive with being a counsellor!! Yesterday I was determined to see the appointment through because it meant so much and I had 3 'episodes' during the session which made it really uncomfortable and a very long hour! By desperately concentrating on my breathing, trying not to tense up and telling myself nothing drastic will happen I got through it but of course it meant I couldn't give my full concentration to the client which wasn't fair on her. There was a very lovely moment though when, for about 10 minutes, it all went away and I was just 'me' again, completely 'with' the client and fully in counselling mode. That was worth all the hell. My question is - is there anything I can take/do to decrease the severity of that particular symptom for even just that hour to make it less frightening? I feel if I can find a way of coping with these symptoms and dispel some of the fear then it stops me trying to avoid anything stressful and better able to manage it. I'm starting to dread going out at all in case it all starts up. On hand in the house at the moment: Beta blocker (Propanalol) - not found this does anything and have tried different doses and different kinds (e.g. slow release). Valerian root (Kalms) - I take 1.5 tablets every night to help me sleep and they work well but if I take any during the day they just make me sleepy not surprisingly! Benzo (Diazepam) - prescribed when I first became ill. I've been told I can't get any more of them and luckily I refused to take them every day as prescribed knowing that would set up an addiction so I 'stockpiled' them for when the anxiety was very severe. They worked well for that. I only have around 20 left but would be happy to take a couple on a Thursday if I thought that would help. I also take 0.4 mgs of Subutext (taken for an over the counter addiction to codeine tablets), 15 mgs of Mirtazapine (anti-depressant) at night and 1 tablet of Vitamin D in the morning. I recently tried doubling the dose of that last one but made myself ill so have gone back to just the one. I wondered if low blood sugar was playing a part but then you'd think the symptoms would be there all the time or appear more frequently? I've been grabbing a banana when I'm going out and having that when the symptoms come on or when I get an inkling they're about to appear but have no idea if it's making any difference or not. I'm convinced it's a deficiency of some kind but have only had the usual blood tests as far as I know and they all seem to be normal. I'm a bit bamboozled by the amount of information on here and feel quite clueless having not long joined the site. Is there any specific test I can ask the doctor to do? If it's a physical thing will mentally trying to calm myself down still have any effect? And can someone reassure me I won't actually keel over at any point?! I'm sorry the post is so long but I wanted you to have all the info to hand.