I've been sick for seven years now, i got sick when i was 14, not understandig what was happening to me, the doctors telling me to get my ass back in school and everything would be fine. For the last seven years I've streched myself so thin, trying to do what was expected of me, trying to hide the illness and act normal (and always failing), always hoping that tomorrow it will be gone. Never listening to my body and never taking care of myself the way i should. and I believe it has affected my personality/the way i act and handle situations greatly. basicly I've been an emotional wreck, not knowing what to trust or what to believe. and always desperate to get healthy, desperate to find someone who believes me and scared that the illness was my own fault. these last few months i've finally started to accept the illness, and i've been learning alot about myself and trying to handle it better. And now i feel so utterly ashamed of how I've handeled it in the past. I know it's not really fair to be so hard on my self, but I can't help but feel I should have done better. I feel like I've relied too much on the people around me for emotional support. sometimes I've said things that have been really dark and depressing, like 'I wish I could die' (not meaning I was suicidal, just that in that moment I couldn't bare another day with this illness). i know the people in my life care about me, but I still have this heavy guilt for having them go through this stage of my life with me. can anybody relate? how do you handle this? have you had periods where you've been emotional unstable or very unrational? as in making desitions that really doesn't make any sense? how do you forgive yourself and move on?