I read someplace that the number one cause of death for ME/CFS paients is suicide. I expect that will be the outcome of my disease at some point. Right now I can't see any way to survive financially. The hits just keep on coming, piling up higher and higher until the daily struggle to survive becomes physically impossible. How many times have I heard, "We'd like to help, but there's little we can do..." Monday I finally quit my part time church custodian job, after struggling to do the work for four years. For the past two weeks I worked a total of six hours. I'm looking at a letter on my desk from the church, dated a few weeks ago, threatening to fire me if my job performance didn't improve. Yes, this is from an alleged Christian church. They are no better than any other greedy capitalist institution, in some ways worse. After turning in my keys I went to find out about a letter I received last week from the state agency that reluctantly hands out LIHEAP benefits - heating oil for poor people. It turns out the letter means I will have no oil for heat this winter. The oil dealer that I have been using just went out of business, and they took my $1000 benefit with them. The state says they have no backup plan, no provision, no reserve money for this situation. It seems the state in its infinite wisdom sends cash in advance to the oil companies instead of requiring them to submit invoices like any other vendor. So when an oil dealer goes belly up the indigent customers (me) take the hit and the state shrugs its shoulders and the idiot program managers keep getting their pay while poor people freeze. So now I have no cash income, the oil tank is empty and will stay that way, and I've been told I have to wait another year to get a hearing for Social Security disability, even though it's been 4 years since I first applied. I went to the state welfare office when the church first threatened to fire me. They told me to go to the Salvation Army, but they don't have any money either. I know, because I played saxophone in the Salvation Army band until last month, when I became too sick to even do that. Last year after fighting with the state for six months I was approved for Medicaid. Now the state says I'm not disabled anymore, even though I am much, much worse than even a few months ago. I have been fighting this since February, and it will take at least several more months to resolve this. A recent report claimed there are SIX MILLION people in the U.S. whose only income is food stamps. I don't know how a person can live here with no cash, but it looks like I'm about to find out.