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Emotional releases while in crash?

Discussion in 'Spirituality and ME/CFS' started by sueami, Feb 21, 2015.

  1. sueami

    sueami Senior Member

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    Not sure if this is the righ forum but i am wondering if others experience huge emotional releases in crashes?

    I restarted mindfulness meditation whenthe crash first started last month. needed to keep myself from co tinuing to crash with automatic activity and behavoirs. then i needed it to pass the time while i rested. then i needed it to manage my anger, grief and frustration at re crashing nyself even worse and manage the fear around being fully bedbound.

    other stuff is coming up though. a grief/self loathing about some of my parenting when my first was young. felt great to face and release it and make amends to her.

    today as i wait out and shake off another crashy experience of sleep deprivation and neuro inflammation and panic/anxiety, i am having a ton of contentless feelings/energy/crying come up. i dont think its all new or about my illness. feels great to release it but it was scary coming up.

    anyone else havi g this experience while they are crashing/recovering?
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2015
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  2. awkwardlymodern

    awkwardlymodern Forcing the past to blend with the future

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    Hello Sue,

    Interesting post!

    I'm sorry to hear yore feeling so bad. Ugh, the sleep deprivation and neuroinflammation is just horrible.

    As far as the emotional releases, it's weird you mention that because I have something similar going on.

    I wouldn't say I experience emotional releases per se, but I have noticed I'm much more spiritual during crashes. It's as if the strength I lose on the physical level is somehow recovered in my general state of consciousness. Second law of thermodynamics, right? ;) I become more attuned to others, more accepting of death, just more enlightened in general. And maybe that acceptance of death, maybe that is a sort of release? So yeah. I totally get where you're coming from.

    I try to look at crashes as opportunities, to grow in wisdom and awareness. It's so painful, but without pain we wouldn't be human. So in a way our struggle and suffering is an opportunity for us become more human, even though our lives are less fully human if we look at them from a behavioral or experiential way.

    The hardest part for me at least is to keep that acceptance and wisdom that I've gained during a crash, when I feel better again. Do you ever feel like when you release something during a crash, you start holding onto it again when you recover? It's like being healthy makes us more materialistic, because it gives us the physical freedom to care about physical things. Crazy, this life. :confused:
     
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  3. Tammy

    Tammy Senior Member

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    I think I get your thought processing on this............it's akin to someone who feels like they are dying (I have felt like this during a crash) and then it is almost impossible to muster up the keep on fighting attitude and the vulnerability can lead to a feeling of a type of surrender if you will and acceptance because that's about all you've got and yes it can be a really big release.................then you come out of the crash.............you feel better and then .........the fight begins again.
     
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  4. Tammy

    Tammy Senior Member

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    @sueami..............I think it is pretty normal to have all kinds of emotional releases during a crash and sleep deprivation. I certainly have had my share. Sending many hugs your way......:hug:.......sorry you are having such a rough time.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2015
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  5. MikeJackmin

    MikeJackmin Senior Member

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    I had a bad crash a few years ago that pushed me into the 'mostly housebound' category, and made it pretty clear that things might start to get really tough at any time.

    I think some deep part of me understood that I needed to get rid of my old baggage. I don't have the energy to carry it anymore, and I was going to need my hands free for that large delivery of new baggage I was expecting.

    I worked out a lot of ancient stuff, and got much better at handling uncomfortable emotional things. It's kind of ironic that as ruined as my body is now, and as difficult as my circumstances are, that I actually seem to have my head together better than ever before.

    My therapist told me that sometimes, bad things just don't go away. I'm going to feel grief and sadness and frustration and fear on a pretty regular basis, and for good reason, too. The healthy thing is to be good at handling these things gracefully, so they don't push me around any more than they really have to.

    It kinda sucks to be living a life where managing grief becomes a basic survival skill. Maybe releasing the old stuff is just part of how we enter this phase of our lives.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2015
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  6. L'engle

    L'engle moogle

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    This makes sense to me too. When I'm not in a crash I worry more about how to integrate with the outer world. In a crash I worry about survival, worsening, reckoning with the inner. This is a process that many people don't do until near the end of life, if ever, but we go through it as we deal with the loss of our health. As well if our level of health fluctuates we are moving between different means of coping that fit best with our current level of health.

    I find sleep deprivation activates a 'spiritual' part of my mind because I think elsewise I am used to turning to sleep for that kind of certainty. I'm usually more detached and find meaning in things in a way that is certainly 'something' but that I don't identify as spiritual.

    I'm in a crash right now and there is no way to know if I will get back to my baseline or not. Acceptance seems to be a requirement of keeping my mind in one piece.
     
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  7. cmt12

    cmt12

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    The parenting stuff came up after you restarted meditating right? Facing this stuff is "part of the process." Without getting into the metaphysical and esoteric, you are better for it having faced these repressed feelings. I feel strongly that our minds will not present us with anything we cannot handle.
     
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  8. 21gunners

    21gunners

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    I'm just about stepping out a disastrous month of constant detailed emotional memories I chose to put on papers (400 in less than 3 weeks), in order to not let them affect me in the future. This has brought me really close to hell due to severe bodily effects from very strong childhood traumas.

    I'm finishing my 4th month with the drugs, not sure what next. First detox like-dying severe symptoms, next cognitive swings, now emotional crashes, all with constant sleeping difficulties not new to me. I'm shocked, though now I deeply relaxed again. If anything, this all reflects just how bad I was before the treatment, and you really don't wanna know what has happened to me in the last two years.
     
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  9. GracieJ

    GracieJ Senior Member

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    I have had similar experiences, but I also must say I deliberately went on a hunt for old baggage, to release badly needed emotional energy for the present. Has it ever worked!

    Hard as it is, it can be seen as a gift. Maybe it is the body and mind's way of healing what can be healed so you are able to deal with the illness here right now without the baggage. It seems like a healthy thing, really.
     
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  10. xchocoholic

    xchocoholic Senior Member

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    Becoming a Christian has really helped me with this. Now when I'm feeling poorly, I turn to God for comfort and healing. I know that as long as I'm sincere, He listens to me.

    I know He won't always answer my prayers but I feel better talking to Him. I don't ask for much because I'm new to Christianity and want Him to know how grateful I am that He saved me. I was an atheist.

    Tc ... X
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2015
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