Kafka sucks Antares. All these existentialists were fucking stupid. Now when I read them I am infuriated, they are stifling and ridiculous. If you have a healthy body, if you can SLEEP, and you can DIGEST, and you HAVE ENERGY, and you dont have CHRONIC PAIN... live with your little deranged mind, it is not so terrible! Now I know that but I was a existentialist with a healthy body that used to read all these misleading authors thinking they were right. Little I knew that having a deranged mind is a trip in the park and that a pathological body is the real tour into Hell. Although is interesting because my deranged mind brought me here. About work, I wanted to share with the forum a recent experience that illustrates my situation. One of the careers I started was English Philology, because I have always liked speaking in english and the anglophone culture. I have given classes of english both individual and in group several times in my almost healthy years. The last year my mother gave me classes to 3 kids especially troublesome/slow learning. In a few weeks in, they already knew I was weak, depressed and fatigued and no longer respected me. They ended brawling in front of me in the second month and I have to quit. My mother, which is a teacher, told me children sense that and the same happened to a woman with depression. So the other day my mother arrives and goes to my smaller brother and tells him that she has a work for him. 10 pupils this time and very well payed. I get very angry because they know I need money for my treatments, which they no longer believe in/support as they did, and I am the one writing and reading in english everyday. But as time went on and I was feeling shitty everyday from my unrefreshing sleep, headaches etc I knew why. I couldnt do that job, not with the kind of kids there are in that school. So this is it. I hate it, I am impotent, wanting to do but not being able to and seeing my brother getting a job that should be mine. Same happens to me with almost everything else, women, success, experiences and such.