Review: 'Through the Shadowlands’ describes Julie Rehmeyer's ME/CFS Odyssey
I should note at the outset that this review is based on an audio version of the galleys and the epilogue from the finished work. Julie Rehmeyer sent me the final version as a PDF, but for some reason my text to voice software (Kurzweil) had issues with it. I understand that it is...
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Depression and Antidepressants

Discussion in 'General Treatment' started by Misfit Toy, Sep 5, 2012.

  1. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    This year has been absolutely awful. I couldn't have ever imagined all the things that have gone wrong that have. Between the worse fibromyalgia pain I have ever had, being told I may have breast cancer, dealing with my brother trying to change my mom's will, a 2 month sinus infection, getting my periods constantly, being diagnosed with a fibroid, my apartment being ruined from redoing the tub, being given an eviction notice for refusing to pay due to the places mistake, a horrible vacation with someone who is supposed to be a friend and so on and so on....it's been awful. Now, I have had more menstrual bleeding and so many times this year I have had my period twice in one month so I was told I have perimenopause but now I am being told it could be my fibroid and I need to have surgery. It's going into my uterine cavity and is the size of a plum.

    On top of all of this I started dating a guy that I really liked and I thought vice versa and after 2 amazing dates, he has vanished. He told me he liked me so much, texted me all of the time, yet never called and asked me out again and then blew me off. There was nothing I could have said wrong, because we hadn't talked on the phone for me to say anything wrong. Maybe I talked to much in person, laughed too much, cursed too much, maybe telling him I have fibromyalgia freaked him out. Not going into it though. He is a medical editor and he got it, so he said. He loved my laugh, we have so much in common, yada, yada, yada. POOF......gone. I had some concerns with him. On 2 dates he talked negatively about his ex wife, blamed everything on her and said that his 8 year old daughter was just like her, "a total spaz." Oh...plus, he is 46 years old and living with his mom who has alzheimers. He said that was the reason, but not sure on that one.

    Plus, this happened online and I received so many dirty emails, it left me sick and feeling like all men are really just pigs, If you put a photo up of yourself in a dress, you recieve emails telling you how hot you are. A dress from classy Ann Taylor. I was asked the other day why I am not naked in one photo where I have a sundress on and a Star Wars mask on. I was playing with children. "After all, all women who are modern day spacegirls are actually naked." This has lead me yet again to somewhat hate men. I really don't, but when I am online, I become bitter and feel like a piece of meat. Not to mention, there were maybe only 5 people on there that were attractive. It was so depressing. I deleted my account.

    Depression has come on strong, I have not been able to sleep all year. I told my doctor yesterday that all I ever do is cry and that I need an antidepressant now.I can't really take antidepressants but I am beyond depressed crying everyday and waiting for the shoe to drop because this year has been all about bad news. Did I mention there is a bees nest in my bedroom and I have been stung twice? It's outside in the wall, but they are coming in anyway after an exterminator came here twice. I can't sleep due to fear and wondering if or how does anyone put up with this much bullshit. I can't work right now really at all.

    So, last night I started Trazadone. A medicine I took 23 years ago when I first got sick. I developed a rash on it but so many years later, I wanted to try it again. Why? I am desperate. Desperate wouldn't even explain where I am at. I feel nuts with these periods and all I do is cry. Before the unexpected period, my fibromyalgia is SO bad, I can't get out of bed. It's absolute misery. I am a total different person than a year ago.

    The trazadone has made me so nauseaous after one night and a pill that is supposed to help me sleep, kept me up for hours. Next up, Savella if this does not work. I am scared, frustrated, etc.

    I want to be on meds. Like so many people with CFS, I need an antidepressant. I can't deal anymore. Yoga isn't working. I woke up having to take Prilosec to calm the stomach and gastritis that I have going on, but I have had stomach issues all summer. I have lost about 7 pounds this summer from not wanting to eat.

    Unbelievable. Has anyone taken antidepressants and what is your experience? I took remeron and gained so much weight and never felt any different on it. Also, tofranil, sinequan, elavil, and any SSRI makes me so sick, I am hanging over a toilet vomitting from all SSRI's. Do these ever work??

    Before you recommend, 5HTP, melatonin, or any other natural sleep aid, let me get that out of the way. Natural sleep aids cause me to dream like crazy, have nightmares and never sleep. 5HTP is one of the biggest no no's for me.
     
  2. Gavman

    Gavman Senior Member

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    :( that sucks. I was seeing a good friend for two months and she didn't want anything concrete so i basically hurt and left. I could have probably handled it better and we could have been friends or something but i was on a downer as it was and yeah, fun times. Feels like i wont ever be in a proper relationship even though ive done so much groundwork to deal with my shit. While i'm not amazing now.. i'm learning to give myself some love and express stuff. Hope you can do the same. Remember that you deserve a good life and deserve love. Comes from the self first unfortunately.. lol.
     
  3. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    When you are as sick as I am, or maybe yourself, it's too hard to decipher or deal with things that aren't concrete. That is what I am realizing. My life is so topsy turvy, that I need a definite and people aren't definite and they have their own crap too. And if people can't be a definite then they can at least be honest, which most aren't. I am sorry about this friend. I wouldn't be able to deal with that either unless I really wasn't into them. It's too hard to have an attraction and just be friends; it rarely if ever works.
     
  4. Ema

    Ema Senior Member

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    I'm really sorry that you are feeling this way. I completely understand. I've looked at and tried just about every antidepressant over the years with pretty terrible results. Cymbalta nearly killed me. And then it turned out that my depression is mainly related to Addison's and hypothyroidism. Correcting those has allowed me to control the rest for the most part with CBT techniques and meditation but there are still rough patches especially when I'm feeling crappy.

    If I were to try another antidepressant, I think I would look into Emsam patches. They are low dose MAOI's and don't carry dietary restrictions. I have no idea if they work personally (besides we are all so different) but at least it is not just another SSRI/SSNRI.

    I just listened to a very interesting podcast about antidepressants and that doctor's position was that the neural pathways get broken in depression and the SSRI's just break the pathways in a new way....hoping that the brain will repair itself and the original broken pathways in the process. Seems like using a sledgehammer to repair a watch in my opinion...wish we understood how they work more.

    Have you ever considered getting a Genova amino acids profile done? I know it is expensive but might help identify precursors (other than 5HTP) that are deficient or excessive.
     
  5. Ema

    Ema Senior Member

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    Also, did you read the post by Cort on the Ketotifen study for fibromyalgia? I spoke to the project coordinator at length (unfortunately I am not a candidate for the study because of Addison's) and it sounds like it might be worth a try. Ketotifen is available by prescription at a compounding pharmacy in the USA, by prescription in Canada, and OTC from Asian countries. Let me know if you want more info on the dosing they are using in the study etc...
     
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  6. Nielk

    Nielk

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    Hi spitfire,

    It sounds to me like your hormones are really haywire. Have you checked your levels lately?
     
    Sallysblooms likes this.
  7. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    I have not read this. I will have to look into it. I know nothing about it!!
     
  8. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    Nielk, they are out of whack. I am in perimeno and have written how hormones make me sicker than a dog. But, I have a fibroid and they don't know what is doing what. It's so confusing and as usual, I am the doctor. Ever since I was 18, I have had endo, then IC diagnosis, then my horror-mones calmed down only for my body to now go into meno or peri early and have a fibroid. Hating my life right now. This will be my 8th laporoscopy.
     
  9. caledonia

    caledonia

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    You do seem to have a lot going on, which I'm sure is overwhelming.

    Here are a few suggestions - #1 get that fibroid taken care of. For the bees, get some caulk and fill in every crack and hole where they could possibly come in.

    It sounds like any kind of psych med is going to be counterproductive, so stay away from those.

    Instead, I suggest trying essential fatty acids, such as fish oil/krill oil and possibly evening primrose oil or whole oats. The fish oil/krill oil contains EPA and DHA. The evening primrose/whole oats contains GLA, another essential fatty acid.

    This should help with mood, menstrual stuff and pain - a real silver bullet. You may need quite a high dose of fish oil, so get the liquid kind. I think Carlson's is a good brand at a reasonable price. As an example, I take 1 tablespoon (3 teaspoons) of Carlson's per day. The main thing is to choose a brand that is pharmaceutical grade or otherwise tested to be very pure, so you're not getting mercury or other bad pollutants.

    The evening primrose should be at a much lower dose than the fish oil. One capsule per week should be sufficient. As an alternative, you can eat a small bowl of steel cut oats/Irish oats/pin oats per day. This is whole oats, not rolled oats or oatmeal. Read Barry Sear's first book The Zone as to why this is necessary (to avoid "bad eicosanoid overload").

    ps. the fish oil is somewhat of a blood thinner so be sure to tell your doc you're taking it. They will probably have you discontinue it prior to surgery.
     
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  10. Tammy

    Tammy Senior Member

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    When I had really bad fibroids........I took a supplement called Fibrovan.........and guess what? It actually worked to reduce the fibroids so that that they were no longer causing me any pain.......then into menapause....they say that they go away on their own. I guess I'm getting to that point because I havn't had a problem with them for some time.
     
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  11. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    Tammy, that is awesome! Thank you!
     
  12. john66

    john66 Senior Member

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    Hi Spitfire, sorry you are going through a bad time. Since I took MAF, I have been on a negative slide. I took Trazadrunk a few days ago, my God the hangover!

    My wife had fibroid surgery two years ago. I tried to convince her to go the natural route-trying enzymes to shrink it. I you search Dr. Will Wong, he has a few podcasts and articles about it. Worth a listen at least.

    I had a wasp nest in my front screen door-my and one other person got stung. Genius that I am, I sprayed repellent/killer at one and it blew back into my eyes-never make that mistake again. Steroids into the eyes for a week. Sleep has been messed up worse than ever since. If I could get a dose of propofol-I'd take it.J
     
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  13. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    John, you and I both regarding the propofol! They came and sprayed the heck out of my air conditioner and then turned it on today. I have had nothing but toxic chemicals in my apt for months. Painting, redoing the tub...it's awful. I haven't slept right since, either. Will look into the fibroid stuff. Are you still taking trazadunk?
     
  14. heapsreal

    heapsreal iherb 10% discount code OPA989,

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    It sounds like you have some pain issues as well. Have u considered not using an antidepressant but use tramadol for pain. A benefit of tramadol is that it also works on similar receptors to alot of antidepressants and i have read where people say that tramadol has lifted them out of depression where antidepressants couldnt. It will help u with pain, for me it does give me some energy, for others it makes them sleepy, so trial and error with that effect. Just reducing your pain will improve your mood and energy. Pain can be very draining. Tramadol will work in the first dose hopefully.

    cheers!!!
     
  15. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    Heaps, most opiates make me itch. Most meds affect me, I am a multiple chemical sensitivity type. DARVOCET was the best medicine I ever took and then they discontinued it which was and is ridiculous. The one med I have no problem with that helped my pain in spades, they discontinue.
     
  16. heapsreal

    heapsreal iherb 10% discount code OPA989,

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    Hi Spitfire,
    Tramadol could be a good fit for you, its synthetic so might not possibly get an itch from it, also works slightly differently to most narcotics. I think the smallest dose of tramadol is 50mg but if they come in a tablet, cut them in half(25mg) or even a quarter and see how you react to it. i just think its worth a shot??
    I use it for lower back problems and use 200mg slow release and find it works well. There are a few that find it works best for fibro pain too. There are some that cant tolerate it but it seems to be one of those drugs that benefits more people then it doesnt. seems to be a good drug for fibro.

    I hope u find something that helps. It must be a bugger to have MCS and seeing meds that help other cfsers and fibro people but because of MCS, cant use the meds.

    cheers!!!
     
  17. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    Heaps, I have it and take it but only a 1/4. If I am having a better day mentally, but have pain, I can take 1/2. I can never take a full one. It does work, but has done nothing for depression. In fact, get this....it makes me so ANGRY. So does vicodin.
     
  18. heapsreal

    heapsreal iherb 10% discount code OPA989,

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    do u have panadeine in the US, here in australia we have panadeine and panadeine extra we can buy without a script, it contains paracetamol and codeine, it can help with pain, sometimes i add it to tramadol if pain is worse.

    just thought of something that i have seen used in fibro studies, dextromethorphan, its commonly found in over the counter cough medicine and it was suppose to have helped. but all depends on MCS, hopefully it wont make you angry. just throwing out suggestions, maybe something u havent tried.

    cheers!!!
     
  19. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1

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    What a crazy year you've had, so much terrible luck. I think most people would feel depressed after all that and still going throu it.

    Someone not talking to you on the phone and just tending to text... can often be a sign that they are having an affair and still with their wife. The fact he's got his exwife soo on his mind also could indicate she's still in his life. The telling you he is living with mother.. also may be in fact that he's still living with his wife. (I assume you never got to go to his house and met his so called mother).
    From what you've said, I personally think it is likely this guy was using you and having an affair with you. (this may also be the reason for the sudden disappearance)

    Calling his 8 year old daughter "a total spaz".. well he obviously wasnt a nice person and you are probably better off without him. Instead of seeing it as a negative thing that he's gone.. maybe try to look at it as a positive thing he's got himself out of your life.

    Antidepressents.. often dont mix well with ME and Ive found that myself to be certainly true. Ive reacted bad to every SSRI Ive ever tried eg headache, nausea etc.

    One thing I didnt react to the same way in which I did with the pharma SSRI drugs.. was the herb St Johns Wort (but then ended up getting a hellish mood swinging like trip on it as if I'd taken some kind of street drug,after being on it for a couple of weeks, so had to stop it even thou it was greatly helping the depression I did have at that time. My suggestion is if you havent done so already.. to try St Johns Wort as it may be gentler to your body then the pharma SSRIs and it can work just as well (if not even better)
     
  20. Misfit Toy

    Misfit Toy Senior Member

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    ALLERGIC TO CODEINE.
     

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