This year has been absolutely awful. I couldn't have ever imagined all the things that have gone wrong that have. Between the worse fibromyalgia pain I have ever had, being told I may have breast cancer, dealing with my brother trying to change my mom's will, a 2 month sinus infection, getting my periods constantly, being diagnosed with a fibroid, my apartment being ruined from redoing the tub, being given an eviction notice for refusing to pay due to the places mistake, a horrible vacation with someone who is supposed to be a friend and so on and so on....it's been awful. Now, I have had more menstrual bleeding and so many times this year I have had my period twice in one month so I was told I have perimenopause but now I am being told it could be my fibroid and I need to have surgery. It's going into my uterine cavity and is the size of a plum. On top of all of this I started dating a guy that I really liked and I thought vice versa and after 2 amazing dates, he has vanished. He told me he liked me so much, texted me all of the time, yet never called and asked me out again and then blew me off. There was nothing I could have said wrong, because we hadn't talked on the phone for me to say anything wrong. Maybe I talked to much in person, laughed too much, cursed too much, maybe telling him I have fibromyalgia freaked him out. Not going into it though. He is a medical editor and he got it, so he said. He loved my laugh, we have so much in common, yada, yada, yada. POOF......gone. I had some concerns with him. On 2 dates he talked negatively about his ex wife, blamed everything on her and said that his 8 year old daughter was just like her, "a total spaz." Oh...plus, he is 46 years old and living with his mom who has alzheimers. He said that was the reason, but not sure on that one. Plus, this happened online and I received so many dirty emails, it left me sick and feeling like all men are really just pigs, If you put a photo up of yourself in a dress, you recieve emails telling you how hot you are. A dress from classy Ann Taylor. I was asked the other day why I am not naked in one photo where I have a sundress on and a Star Wars mask on. I was playing with children. "After all, all women who are modern day spacegirls are actually naked." This has lead me yet again to somewhat hate men. I really don't, but when I am online, I become bitter and feel like a piece of meat. Not to mention, there were maybe only 5 people on there that were attractive. It was so depressing. I deleted my account. Depression has come on strong, I have not been able to sleep all year. I told my doctor yesterday that all I ever do is cry and that I need an antidepressant now.I can't really take antidepressants but I am beyond depressed crying everyday and waiting for the shoe to drop because this year has been all about bad news. Did I mention there is a bees nest in my bedroom and I have been stung twice? It's outside in the wall, but they are coming in anyway after an exterminator came here twice. I can't sleep due to fear and wondering if or how does anyone put up with this much bullshit. I can't work right now really at all. So, last night I started Trazadone. A medicine I took 23 years ago when I first got sick. I developed a rash on it but so many years later, I wanted to try it again. Why? I am desperate. Desperate wouldn't even explain where I am at. I feel nuts with these periods and all I do is cry. Before the unexpected period, my fibromyalgia is SO bad, I can't get out of bed. It's absolute misery. I am a total different person than a year ago. The trazadone has made me so nauseaous after one night and a pill that is supposed to help me sleep, kept me up for hours. Next up, Savella if this does not work. I am scared, frustrated, etc. I want to be on meds. Like so many people with CFS, I need an antidepressant. I can't deal anymore. Yoga isn't working. I woke up having to take Prilosec to calm the stomach and gastritis that I have going on, but I have had stomach issues all summer. I have lost about 7 pounds this summer from not wanting to eat. Unbelievable. Has anyone taken antidepressants and what is your experience? I took remeron and gained so much weight and never felt any different on it. Also, tofranil, sinequan, elavil, and any SSRI makes me so sick, I am hanging over a toilet vomitting from all SSRI's. Do these ever work?? Before you recommend, 5HTP, melatonin, or any other natural sleep aid, let me get that out of the way. Natural sleep aids cause me to dream like crazy, have nightmares and never sleep. 5HTP is one of the biggest no no's for me.