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Dating...

Discussion in 'Lifestyle Management' started by Christopher, Nov 15, 2009.

  1. zoe.a.m.

    zoe.a.m. Senior Member

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    I can relate to this. When you have very limited energy for socializing, it's significant to have one person with whom there is non-verbal communication and, sometimes, there's really only enough energy to be close to one person. It's not an easy thing for a relationship, and it's very far from what is the popular line of thought "I want my significant other to have a full life that I can just be a part of." I can say that time has been easier during the one relationship I've had since sick, where every day--even if symptoms were miserable--had the magic of distraction. Distraction is a brilliant thing.

    Yes, yes, yes.

    It sounds like you could be being too hard on yourself. Depends on how the person was hurt of course. I can relate to this, though it was me who was hurt by the 'healthy' person. That's another place where things seem wildly out of balance: where 'healthy' people have spent about 1 hour in their lifetime considering what is truly important to them and getting any insight into what makes them tick... while ill people often have a massive set of frustrations and limitations, but they know their heart and mind.
  2. glenp

    glenp "and this too shall pass"

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  3. SickOfSickness

    SickOfSickness Senior Member

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    Me too Tom. I like to kiss for about 1 minute then I am tired and needing to breathe LOL! People are okay with it. They just think I don't like kissing very much. The disease has changed my "personality". I am a person who "doesn't like to kiss" even though in my heart I know it's not true. Anyway it makes it strange connecting to someone.

    Same with other things, so I am perceived so differently than I perceive myself. I used to be more bothered by other people's observations and what they think I am or am not. Now I am trying to accept it more. Some things are harder than others. Healthy people obviously don't understand but say they were very good at a sport or a certain school subject. And then they were in front of a girl they wanted to impress and for some reason they messed up badly and now the girl thinks they are BAD at that sport or just SO-SO. That guy would be frustrated that his abilities are not known. I look stupid when I have fibrofog of course despite being very smart.

    Weeks ago when I posted to this thread I had a hard time imagining dating someone ill or disabled. And because I explained how badly it went the last time with a CFIDS/Fibro guy. Now I am interested in dating someone who is ill. Mostly if they are CFIDS/ME like me. Though they would have to live very close by for it to be reasonable or it would be awesome if they move in and share the rent and expenses. It seems good. Dates would be lying in bed, with a DVD or book or music or talking. Or really short walks unlike how healthy people want to take long faster walks.

    I guess lately I am just wanting someone who understands. I don't want a committment though. If I get myself cured I would still care and be their friend but I don't want to be committing myself to someone forever. I don't want to be the caretaker or for them to be either. Just someone where it is balanced and I help them a little, they help me a little, but mostly that we are just spending our "downtime" not alone. I just want a year or few months with someone. More of a friendship than a relationship you might say but hopefully with enough good feelings that I am comfortable cuddling. I think two people teaming up for this would help each other rest and feel less stressed.
  4. Tammie

    Tammie Senior Member

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    wow - that is one of the absolute worst, most misinformed, insulting bunch of comments I have read & given that there are so many thigns written by people like Reeves, it is pretty hard to be among the worst
  5. helen41

    helen41 Senior Member

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    The comments on that website were so disheartening. The misinformed are always the most willing to share their stupidity
  6. JAXintheCity

    JAXintheCity

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    Hi Everybody!

    I just wanted to throw in my two cents. I've had this disease for 11 years -- since I was twenty. Dating is hard enough to begin with, without throwing a chronic illness in there! There was definitely a point in my life where I thought I would never find the right person.

    Two years ago, all that changed and I met my now husband. One of the things that works for us is he's a total homebody! So, he loved finding a girl who was perfectly happy to sit around on the couch and watch a movie. :)

    I think the most important thing is finding someone you can communicate with, someone you trust, someone you can laugh with, and someone who understands that commitment means 'in sickness and in health.' There are NO GUARANTEES on anyone! Also, I wouldn't necessarily lead with my 'sick foot' on the first date. I felt that ME/CFS was personal, and I didn't bring it up till at least the third date.

    And definitely, DON'T GIVE UP!!! There are still plenty of 'good ones' out there.

    JAX
  7. Tammie

    Tammie Senior Member

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    LOL....sadly that is so true.....I just wish that most of the people who read/hear such innaccurate/stupid comments would realize the truth of your statement
  8. SickOfSickness

    SickOfSickness Senior Member

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    JAX thanks for the positive note.

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