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Co-dependency a factor for me?

Discussion in 'Lifestyle Management' started by Gavman, Dec 14, 2011.

  1. Gavman

    Gavman Senior Member

    Messages:
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    89
    Sydney
    I have tried physical remedies, supplements, drugs, seen naturopaths, homeopaths, done plenty of tests. I dont know what the reason for my CFS is,
    but therapy has helped in a fair few ways. I'm still -stuck- as it were but compared to where i was, i'm alot better.

    Growing up i had a mother with bipolar who seemed so controlling and emotionally potent. She would struggle with the world and emotions, what she said and her emotions always seemed different. I'd ask are you sad because she looked it and she'd always put on a smile and say no. There was so much of her lurking underneath that facade. She was very smothering and i find it quite difficult to be independent. It wasn't until i was 15 when she went into hospital that i felt like i could even think. All my life before then was reacting. I was a slow processor, maybe it wasn't so much slow as i processed so much.

    I got used to reading moods and could quite easily make someone feel comfortable because i was hyperaware of what was going on with them. I'm struggling now to become self evident. To find who i am. But its so hard to, its like i cant stop doing things or activating my mind with things other than just being me because i never have. Its such a habit not to be myself. I always felt emotional growing up yet was never able to share it. If i was angry, i was being over the top. Yet my narcissist brother and controlling mother both would yell or express so much more deeply than I ever did.

    They were selfish. And i was never allowed to be because they seemed to want me in some sort of mould for them. It pisses me off so completely, having to be a -helper/healer- for people who didnt want to be helped. While i think there are physical factors involved in my illness and genetics, i feel like the only place i can really embrace or matter is by being myself. It just feels like i'm at the bottom of a mud pit struggling to breathe, knowing where its better to be but stuffed if i know how to get there.
  2. Nielk

    Nielk

    Messages:
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    4,625
    Queens, NY
    Gavman,

    Thank you for sharing your dilema. They say that the first step to recoverry is to realize that you have a problem. You seem to have a deep understanding of your frailty and the reason for it.
    It's never easy to grow up in a toxic environment, especially when you are an empathic person. It's not your fault that your mother had mental issues and especially as a chikd growing up, it must have had a tremendous effect on you. Now that you realize that you have problems (co-dependency) resulting from this, it would be a good time to work these feelings out with a
    proffesional. It sounds to me that EFT would be a powerful way for you to release those pent up feelings.
    Many times we get stuck in the child within and it can have a major impact on one's life. Tending to that child and understanding that child now as an adult will go a long way.
    Sorry, you had to go throgh this and good luck.

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