Before I got sick, I was involved deeply with my church. I'd spent ten years in a Baptist church around the time I got married 30 yrs ago. And then spent ten years in a Pentecostal church. I ran a Christian website with my husband Alan, called Ncubator Christian Resource Directory. We had articles submitted by Christian writers, a directory on our site and thousands of links to Christian websites. Christian news sources, the works. Al and I also ran a homeschool group with a Christian foundation to it for 6 yrs or so. Loved it all at the time. Miss it still, desperately. But my life is beginning to piece itself back together especially in this past year. For the worst years of sickness I had few thoughts about anything -- rather like if you're going down for the second and third time ... not alot of thoughts other than -- Help!! Then things began to settle down a bit. I could take a conscious look around. The natural tendency I think is to pick up where you left off before becoming ill. Looking up old friends, etc.But I realized, with shock, that the world I'd known and embraced did not exist for me to go back to any longer. Partly because a number of years had passed. The kids and families in the homeschool group for instance, had gotten older and new families had come in. The church I'd left had few of the old faces I'd known and loved now. And Ncubator ... we closed 'er down when I was at my sickest and it was no longer on the net. Though apparently some old book reviews of mine are still floating around on google ... But the biggest change was inside me. I no longer had many of the same beliefs and assumptions that I'd based my life on before cfs. That church world, that homeschool group, and even my beloved ncubator.com, were no longer representative of how I saw life. I wouldn't have fit. Even in the things I'd helped create. I realize this is mostly preamble and I haven't begun to say what changed or why, in terms of my beliefs. But I have worn myself out already so I am stopping here for now. I'm sure that what I've gone through is not so different from what many of us have gone through. The type of affiliations we all have had will differ of course, but I'm sure others have had dark nights of the soul, times of having to reevaluate belief systems ... People may feel very passionate about some of this stuff. And what I have turned away from may be something you still love, or vice versa. It is important that we respect each other's rights to personal beliefs. If we all do this, then this thread can be a place to sort out stuff that for many of us, maybe it hasn't been possible to talk about at all. And we may find that whatever our particular beliefs, we are not too different after all.