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Another testimony to the CFSAC meeting

Discussion in 'Action Alerts and Advocacy' started by kolowesi, Oct 13, 2009.

  1. kolowesi

    kolowesi Senior Member

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    I'm putting this up, at least temporarily, though it can't compare with Tom's or Laurel's. Maybe someone else will be inspired to write and say things better:)

  2. Koan

    Koan Be the change.

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    What about the mission?

    Whoa! Strong stuff!

    Thanks much!

    Koan
  3. _Kim_

    _Kim_ Guest

    Way to go Kelly!

    Your letter is excellent! It speaks with dignity and gets your point across tactfully. The only thing that you might consider changing is the first line. Your words that follow are so confident, but they are diluted by the disclaimer that you're not a good writer. Thanks for being brave and bold enough to write the letter anyway, even though you judge yourself in this area. That's courage!
  4. Dreambirdie

    Dreambirdie work in progress

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    Hi Kelly--

    Great letter. Very honest and real expression your experience. But I do agree with Kim about considering the elimination of the first sentence. I don't like that you are diminishing yourself like that. Especially when the rest of the letter rings so true and powerful.
  5. shrewsbury

    shrewsbury member

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    your submission is strong and clear. thanks so for doing it
  6. KC22

    KC22 Senior Member

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    Kelly..

    Nice Job!!! It was very precise and clear and you sound like a strong, independent person who became ill with Me...

    I like where you said you tried the exercise 5 times and it did more harm than good.

    I also like how you specifically name Dr. Reeves. It needs to come out that he has slowed the research down.

    Thanks for taking the time to this!!!!:)
  7. kolowesi

    kolowesi Senior Member

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    Thanks you guys!

    Too late to change the first line, I already submitted. You are right, and I will learn from this.

    I've been in my own way where advocacy is concerned because I lose my train of thought in ordinary conversation and can't get it back till the next day. You know how it is:)

    I've been so inspired by those who are going to the meeting. I have a feeling it is still very important for us to show up, even with the bombshell dropped by WPI researchers.

    This group is amazingly intelligent and talented. I wish they knew you guys.

    Thanks so much for the support!
    Kelly
  8. Frickly

    Frickly Senior Member

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    Kelly

    Excellent letter. Where is the "pat on the back" smilie?::):):):):)
  9. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    Kelly,

    What a wonderful piece you've written.

    I'm so glad you did it and sent it.

    While I agree with others about your first sentence don't worry about it as it is already sent in.

    Take these comments on it above as telling you, that WE think you write just fine. :D

    Look at it that while you don't see yourself as a writer, the people reading it will know different. :)

    And perhaps it may even strengthen the impact of what you wrote. Because even though you don't think of yourself as a writer this matters so much to you that you were willing to push yourself out of your comfort zone to communicate with them.

    Beautiful, Kel. Just beautiful.

    Aces. :)
  10. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    I hadn't been planning on logging on at all just now. Just read a bit and have a nap. :)

    But when I came across what you had written, I had to log in long enough to comment.

    Logging out and going to bed now. :)
  11. kolowesi

    kolowesi Senior Member

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    Jody encouragement

    You are something else. I owe you big time on Farm Town:D

    Seriously, it means a lot coming from you. I think the reason I started off the way I did was to calm myself down enough to start, lower my expectations.

    However, I have found a huge grammatical error. Maybe it's a dangling participle, I'll have to ask Tom.

    "I will just ask you, as a former government employee, to serve those who need you so much. " the former govt employee goes with the I, not the you.

    hehe Oh well. They'll be asleep by then anyway.

    K
  12. Jody

    Jody Senior Member

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    Kelly,

    I don't see a problem with that sentence. It seemed clear to me it was referring to you as a former employee.

    These guys are not going to parse your grammar. I'm a pretty fastidious editor and, there's no problem here.

    As to Farm Town ... just keep the kickbacks comin'. :D
  13. Lisa

    Lisa Senior Member

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    Reads just fine to me Kelly. :)

    Keep in mind - these are scientists and bureaucrats, not English majors. :D

    Nice bit of writing there Kelly!

    Lisa :)

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