Yes, it's a rough change. But then it's not the first in my life. When I first became a mom I shifted suddenly from being very involved in co-creating and participating in group rituals, to having to find the sacred in the act of changing diapers. Every ritual was part nursing and part napping and maybe a little bit of conscious spirituality wedged in, but it was all sacred. Then came the fun times when the kids were big enough to participate in creating and celebrating holiday events. Those were the best times. Maybe not as fancy as the days when my girlfriends and I brought rich symbolism and art, poetry and our brightest silk clothes together to a beach or mountain meadow to create a bit of uplifting pageantry magic, but so heartfelt, those days when the circle formed around the children. Now and then we joined in community rituals, a circle with some neighbors or a big community ritual at a community center, and those were nice reminders that we were connected. Then the kids and I all got sick and I suppose it's just another change, another adjustment, but now the moments of feeling spiritually uplifted come at random and pass quickly as a mourning dove's flight or a spectacular desert sunset. Still beautiful, but so ephemeral, and maybe thus most succinctly symbolic of all phases.