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Activity guidlines for ME- The alterative and true version

Discussion in 'Other Health News and Research' started by flex, Apr 23, 2010.

  1. flex

    flex *****

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    The alternative and true ME guidelines to activity . PART 1


    How to make the most of energy .

    1) Go to toilet and brush teeth at the same time

    This will save you standing time of approximately three minutes per day.

    2 ) take a cheese and pickle sandwhich with you to the above activity

    Again not wasting valuable waking time.. Although depending on your pickle preference you may need to brush your teeth before and after sandwhich consumption. So this could become a more streunous task than necessary. You may require 40 winks on the toilet. Listen to your body you are the patient.

    3) do not shower ever - it is a waste of energy, both in the exertion sense and in a global warming sense

    4) if the phone rings talk without answering it- its probably just your mum or a sales agent from an Indian call centre. Also because I have Indian relatives we often have to sound each other out for a 10 minute stand of and this can be exhausting.

    5) Order your food shopping on line and get it delivered . When the delivery man comes tell him you have got MS instead of ME. This way he will feel sorry for you and put it all away in your cupboards instead of dumping it on your foot at the front door and growling “sign here” as he thinks to himself “ME my arse” .

    6) Drive your car on the wrong side of the road

    This way people will move over and save you valuable travelling time

    7) Copulation advice

    If you don’t have a partner get one because having sexual activity performed upon you is much less taxing than doing it to yourself. Also women tend to find they cant remember where they left their accessories.

    8) drawing money from an atm

    don’t be fooled by trying to take out large amounts to save you repeat journeys…..you have no money

    9) benefits/insurance claim advice

    TBC

    10 ) visiting you doctor

    Nod and say yes to everything he says….then just let his tyres down on the way out. This may be difficult because you will have to get down on the floor - but you will find it takes up less energy than trying to educate the stupid ignoramus

    11 ) send the above ten comments to NICE and the CAA so they know what the hell they are talking about

    12 ) worship false idols like your tin opener and your microwave - these things can save your life

    13 ) swap your 42 inch plasma colour tv with your best friend for his small portable black and white set. This will stop the issue of screen glare and your best friend will foolishly thing he has got the best end of the deal
     
  2. pollycbr125

    pollycbr125 Senior Member

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    :Sign giggle:: hilarious :D
     
  3. BEG

    BEG Senior Member

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    OMG!!!! This is hilarious. Absolutely GOTTA LOVE IT.
     
  4. Koan

    Koan Be the change.

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    :tear::D:tear::D:tear::D:tear::D
    ;)
     
  5. fds66

    fds66 Senior Member

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    Very funny - i have a problem with number 2 - I think I might end up trying to brush my teeth with my sandwich - or something even more disasterous - there is a good reason why I can only do one thing at once lol
     
  6. flex

    flex *****

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    fds66

    all I can say is put a notice on the wall saying "ALWAYS WIPE LAST".
     
  7. Koan

    Koan Be the change.

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    :tear::D:tear::D:tear:

    :tongue:
     
  8. Dreambirdie

    Dreambirdie work in progress

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    YES! I almost always brush my teeth on the toilet. :Retro tongue::Retro tongue::Retro tongue:

    And I tell the delivery people I have leukemia, except the really cute Fed-Ex guy, who thinks I "work late." :rolleyes::Retro smile::Retro smile::Retro smile:
     
  9. Gerwyn

    Gerwyn Guest

    Flex shame on you this level of activity is positively dangerous slow down now!
     
  10. serenity

    serenity Senior Member

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    haha, i like #10!
    ;)
     
  11. jace

    jace Off the fence

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    Have you been spying on me? :D:D:D:D;)
     
  12. flex

    flex *****

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    Yes


    --------
     
  13. jackie

    jackie Senior Member

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    Flex - For females...following your activity guide for #1 could cost you an extra 10 minutes of standing energy expenditure in "clean-up" time. I know - I tried it. - j:rolleyes:

    (but all the rest is good!...especially #10 and I also puncture their Tires too! oh...and "key" their cars!)
     
  14. creekfeet

    creekfeet Sockfeet

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    Eastern High Sierra
    Wow. You can still eat cheese?
     
  15. flex

    flex *****

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    In regards to number 9)....

    We are still processing your claim and require furthur information.
     

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