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12 Things you should never say to the sick

Discussion in 'Lifestyle Management' started by PatJ, Oct 6, 2015.

  1. PatJ

    PatJ far and free I gaze

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    12 Things you should never say to the sick is an article with a familiar list of things that people with a chronic illness often hear. The article itself covers familiar territory but a couple of comments stood out and are the reason for my post. I think they offer useful and constructive points.

     
  2. barbc56

    barbc56 Senior Member

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    If I remember correctly, the following is referring to invisible health conditions.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. Valentijn

    Valentijn WE ARE KINA

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    Mental health conditions specifically, but it's definitely a good message for all invisible illnesses :D
     
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  4. Living Dead

    Living Dead Senior Member

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    The big problem is that people never listen to / believe the explanation (or they thwart it or invalidate it) and reiterate the same advice.

    Edit:
    I really don't see the problem with saying this, as long as I know the person saying it acknowledges that I am ill.

    Edit 2: Some people do believe explanations, of course, it's just I remember the annoying people better. :p
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2015
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  5. CFS_for_19_years

    CFS_for_19_years Hoarder of biscuits

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    @PatJ, you might like other things that Toni Bernhard, the author of the above article, has written. She has published several books and writes regularly for Psychology Today. I've read "How to Be Sick" and can't recall if I've read her other other two books. See http://www.tonibernhard.com

    I might have found this here on PR or somewhere else, I can't recall now: chronic illness.jpg
     
  6. SOC

    SOC

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    That BINGO board belongs on the refrigerator of every PWME who has know-it-all guests (I'm fortunate not to). I could see myself hopping up in the middle of one of those I'm-going-to-fix-you conversations. "Excuse me, I have to mark that one off on my card. I almost have a BINGO!"

    Maybe on the coffee table would be better so we don't have to expend the energy getting to the kitchen. ;)
     
  7. alex3619

    alex3619 Senior Member

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    :):balloons::D
     
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  8. barbc56

    barbc56 Senior Member

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    :lol:
    That's hysterical! If I had the energy, I'd be half tempted to set up a situation where I could use it!

    @CFS_for_19_years I'm definitely going to get the book. Thanks!

    Barb
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2015
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  9. PatJ

    PatJ far and free I gaze

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    Thank you for the recommendation. Her books sound interesting. I've just read a few of her blog posts. 8 Pet Peeves About Doctors has a point that some doctors really don't seem to understand:
     
  10. barbc56

    barbc56 Senior Member

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    This is somewhat related. A recent incident comes to mind and it's something you probably wouldn't see if someone has an illness that's more apparent. I think this attitude is prevalent in my generation, the baby boomers, but certainly not exclusive to my age group.

    It's when others aren't supportive as they think it would be enabling your sickness behavior. Also the notion that someone needs to hit rock bottom before they're able to recover. This is utter bullshit and I believed it for a while. But I had discarded the notion decades before my illness. Unfortunately, my family sometimes buys into this.

    A book I read several years ago, I can't remember the title, was about a father who was dealing with his son's drug addiction. The message he got from the people at AA, it may have been Al Anon for those dealing with family member's addiction to drugs, was that someone needed to hit rock bottom before he/she would have the capability to help themselves. Later, he finally realized that if he hadn't intervened, his son would have died.

    Another way of blaming the victim. Sometimes people need help or support but it doesn't mean you are automatically enabling that person. Sometime, there's a fine line between the two.

    Nothing wrong with AA as it's helped a lot of people. I'm curious if this is still promoted. Of course CBC more or less has this attitude, because you learn to not have "illness beliefs"and therefore you are not enabling yourself.

    Maybe the CBC practioners need cbc that this type of thinking may be detrimental to patients.

    Barb
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2015
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