hurtingallthetimet
Senior Member
- Messages
- 612
me and hubby go to conselour appointment together and its been for years ive seen the conselour she has helped my whole family alot..
but i was shocked, sad, hurt and angry at last visit....she wanted to focus solely on my health and when she asked why i ddint get out of house, take a class i enjoy etc. i told her i wanted to, i had done those things before but i just couldnt because of the pain and exhaustion before, during and after, she then said i was wanting to be a victim, that if i wanted to do those things i could and that i was depressed...(which i am depressed take medications) ..i told her {the first illness that i could think of to compare these illness to} that it would be no different than someone with lupus who have similiar or same problems that they couldnt do those things either...and she said that no its not the same as lupus they physcially cant because of their illness
she has told me to do something i use to love, i have went to a few garage sales, wiped out later with crash of course...so i told her i am trying...i had wanted to get a table and paint it my favorite color i looked in newspaper for people seeling to get cheap...and hubby all of sudden loud vocied said that if i start the project it would be like EVERY project i start hed end up doing it..hed have to drive to get it...i was shocked because when i told him about wanting the table he said, he had no problem with it hed borrow frineds truck..then he says that to the counselour
sorry so long i just needed to vent...how do the peopel who have NO ONE to help do it? please tell me because now i have no one...and need to know
when we got home i couldnt talk because of crying for hours finally i brought it up told him to tell me examples of all these projects i start and put on him {becuase there ARENT any} he couldnt think of not one but 2 years ago his aunt came we were excited and bought a small mirror to hang...he doesnt want me and kids to hang anything so he hung it..thats all he could think of...
i have no hobbies i have no life.
my hubby did appoligize and say he was wrong and wasnt sure why he said that...other than people at his job are constantly asking him to do personal things for them and he feels he cant refuse becuase wnating to keep job....but how can he if he loves me treat me less than someone he doesnt like at work?////.he bought me flowers..but now im deeply hurt...he does take off work every 3 months for me to see doctor becuase im terrified of traffic and only drive to "safe areas" i told him id change doctors, he said no...and he had for awhile offred to start picking up grocerys and my prescriptions when they are ready on weekend because he goes for himself to get food bread etc. to make at work every week..hes already there..i told him he could stop...though it helps me alot..he said no he liked helping me and that hes already at store anyways...
i already feel like a huge burden, i cant do anything but go shopping...take kids to appointmenst...clean house and thats between laying down so it takes me awhile...but still im so hurt...he was the only real person i could talk to about being sick becuase when he asked i thought he really wanted to know and that he cared...now i feel like i cant talk to him and just so sad....i dont even go on and on about how i feel..i talk to everyoen on the support boards more than him....i feel like he must have said what he did for some reason though he had no basis on it...i told him im sorry i cant work but he knows i worked as long as i could...ive out up with so much from him over the years stood by him when no other woman in their right mind would...endured alot of mental and emotional abuse, breakus etc.
and for the doctor to say what she did..made me feel like these illness are nothing..if it was that easy to get better to just go out and do what i use to love to do i would...i told her i enjoy drawing havent done it in 25 years and she suggested i do it and even made remark that some people work and make a living doing it...im no where nor have ever been anywehre near good enough to make a living from drawing..its just something i use to enjoy..she asked about someting i use to enjoy and i shared.
...id mentioned how much i use to exercise walking or job, work , take care family go out et....ive told her before its one of many things im looking for her to help with me accepting and not being angry that im ill.....she asked me why didnt i go walking? just get out and do it.. i told her i couldnt ive tried...and my hubby knows i can only do it taking pain medications or morphine....a person walks 3 or 4 times and even if you dont know they are taking morphine, how can someone egarly jump on those few times? any idiot would see that if a person can only do it that many times... why are they so egar to jump on it and act like its normal? its not i use to be healthy...i know the difference...and becuase i enjoy drawing 25 years ago i should get a job doing it? seriously? and these illness my not be like lupus but from what i read they are, but someone with lupus cant be expected to do anyting because they are ill...it was like a slap in the face...
ive read where others have posted being made to feel the same...i think someone said they had cooked one night and then they were expected to do it all the time...its like with these illness if you push yourself through the pain and exhaustion knowing that it will probalby be worse later, if you do the least little thing like cook dinner your expected to be a chef...anyone who has to mow lawn your expected to become a landscaper...
i felt belittled and betrayed...the only thing my hubby did take up for me while there, was whne consuelour asked what would make me happy i told her to be healthy and to work again, working was my social life and i loved and miss it...she told me to go get a job then...and hubby told her no one would hire me beucase i couldnt be productive becuase of constantly lying down, memory problems pain exhaustion etc...
as i said hubby has appoliged several times...but at this point i feel like i have no one in real life to talk to now...i love helping him do things...and he made me feel like im a huge sick burden...from now im im not going to say how i feel, ill lie say im great, fine whatever...if i need anything i will do without...its going to be hard because of him offering to do some of shopping and getting medications while he is at the store anyways but i will just deal with it...sometimes i wish i would just disappear and no one would have to be burden by me...
if they knew how hard it is for me to go shopping to the doctor dentist etc. they would understand..the pain..exhuasution, the crashes later...the painic the anxiety...it takes alot for me to get out of house..it takes alot for me to live day to day...if conselour could feel my pain..and be by me watching me load buggy high is it will go..rushing running about...then come home with me and see me crying..taking medications praying they will work...even talking to family on phone once a day is exhausting..living..breathing is exhastiong...taking morphine to walk around neihbroughood to spend time and encourage my daughter to walk is embarassing that i have to take medications to do it...the paranoia...the sadness and depressiong..
sorry so long..just needed to vent..how do those who NO ONE do what they need to do?
sorry if this post twice im upset not sure why didnt post first time had to log in againg...
but i was shocked, sad, hurt and angry at last visit....she wanted to focus solely on my health and when she asked why i ddint get out of house, take a class i enjoy etc. i told her i wanted to, i had done those things before but i just couldnt because of the pain and exhaustion before, during and after, she then said i was wanting to be a victim, that if i wanted to do those things i could and that i was depressed...(which i am depressed take medications) ..i told her {the first illness that i could think of to compare these illness to} that it would be no different than someone with lupus who have similiar or same problems that they couldnt do those things either...and she said that no its not the same as lupus they physcially cant because of their illness
she has told me to do something i use to love, i have went to a few garage sales, wiped out later with crash of course...so i told her i am trying...i had wanted to get a table and paint it my favorite color i looked in newspaper for people seeling to get cheap...and hubby all of sudden loud vocied said that if i start the project it would be like EVERY project i start hed end up doing it..hed have to drive to get it...i was shocked because when i told him about wanting the table he said, he had no problem with it hed borrow frineds truck..then he says that to the counselour
sorry so long i just needed to vent...how do the peopel who have NO ONE to help do it? please tell me because now i have no one...and need to know
when we got home i couldnt talk because of crying for hours finally i brought it up told him to tell me examples of all these projects i start and put on him {becuase there ARENT any} he couldnt think of not one but 2 years ago his aunt came we were excited and bought a small mirror to hang...he doesnt want me and kids to hang anything so he hung it..thats all he could think of...
i have no hobbies i have no life.
my hubby did appoligize and say he was wrong and wasnt sure why he said that...other than people at his job are constantly asking him to do personal things for them and he feels he cant refuse becuase wnating to keep job....but how can he if he loves me treat me less than someone he doesnt like at work?////.he bought me flowers..but now im deeply hurt...he does take off work every 3 months for me to see doctor becuase im terrified of traffic and only drive to "safe areas" i told him id change doctors, he said no...and he had for awhile offred to start picking up grocerys and my prescriptions when they are ready on weekend because he goes for himself to get food bread etc. to make at work every week..hes already there..i told him he could stop...though it helps me alot..he said no he liked helping me and that hes already at store anyways...
i already feel like a huge burden, i cant do anything but go shopping...take kids to appointmenst...clean house and thats between laying down so it takes me awhile...but still im so hurt...he was the only real person i could talk to about being sick becuase when he asked i thought he really wanted to know and that he cared...now i feel like i cant talk to him and just so sad....i dont even go on and on about how i feel..i talk to everyoen on the support boards more than him....i feel like he must have said what he did for some reason though he had no basis on it...i told him im sorry i cant work but he knows i worked as long as i could...ive out up with so much from him over the years stood by him when no other woman in their right mind would...endured alot of mental and emotional abuse, breakus etc.
and for the doctor to say what she did..made me feel like these illness are nothing..if it was that easy to get better to just go out and do what i use to love to do i would...i told her i enjoy drawing havent done it in 25 years and she suggested i do it and even made remark that some people work and make a living doing it...im no where nor have ever been anywehre near good enough to make a living from drawing..its just something i use to enjoy..she asked about someting i use to enjoy and i shared.
...id mentioned how much i use to exercise walking or job, work , take care family go out et....ive told her before its one of many things im looking for her to help with me accepting and not being angry that im ill.....she asked me why didnt i go walking? just get out and do it.. i told her i couldnt ive tried...and my hubby knows i can only do it taking pain medications or morphine....a person walks 3 or 4 times and even if you dont know they are taking morphine, how can someone egarly jump on those few times? any idiot would see that if a person can only do it that many times... why are they so egar to jump on it and act like its normal? its not i use to be healthy...i know the difference...and becuase i enjoy drawing 25 years ago i should get a job doing it? seriously? and these illness my not be like lupus but from what i read they are, but someone with lupus cant be expected to do anyting because they are ill...it was like a slap in the face...
ive read where others have posted being made to feel the same...i think someone said they had cooked one night and then they were expected to do it all the time...its like with these illness if you push yourself through the pain and exhaustion knowing that it will probalby be worse later, if you do the least little thing like cook dinner your expected to be a chef...anyone who has to mow lawn your expected to become a landscaper...
i felt belittled and betrayed...the only thing my hubby did take up for me while there, was whne consuelour asked what would make me happy i told her to be healthy and to work again, working was my social life and i loved and miss it...she told me to go get a job then...and hubby told her no one would hire me beucase i couldnt be productive becuase of constantly lying down, memory problems pain exhaustion etc...
as i said hubby has appoliged several times...but at this point i feel like i have no one in real life to talk to now...i love helping him do things...and he made me feel like im a huge sick burden...from now im im not going to say how i feel, ill lie say im great, fine whatever...if i need anything i will do without...its going to be hard because of him offering to do some of shopping and getting medications while he is at the store anyways but i will just deal with it...sometimes i wish i would just disappear and no one would have to be burden by me...
if they knew how hard it is for me to go shopping to the doctor dentist etc. they would understand..the pain..exhuasution, the crashes later...the painic the anxiety...it takes alot for me to get out of house..it takes alot for me to live day to day...if conselour could feel my pain..and be by me watching me load buggy high is it will go..rushing running about...then come home with me and see me crying..taking medications praying they will work...even talking to family on phone once a day is exhausting..living..breathing is exhastiong...taking morphine to walk around neihbroughood to spend time and encourage my daughter to walk is embarassing that i have to take medications to do it...the paranoia...the sadness and depressiong..
sorry so long..just needed to vent..how do those who NO ONE do what they need to do?
sorry if this post twice im upset not sure why didnt post first time had to log in againg...