Injections??? Broke through??? I have no idea what those statements are about.
vaccinations are generally required for travelling abroad and can be particularly problematic for folk with me/cfs imo. but you may not have had any of course. by breakthrough i mean to other realms or entity contact, basically otherworldly experiences. theres a point with dmt when normal reality breaks down.
The shaman was not Christian and I'm in agreement with their view of plant medicine. It paralles my Taoism to a large degree. I did meet the plant spirit of ayahuasca but it couldn't help me. I asked it to influence the epigenetics of this illness and it couldn't. But then, I happen to think it's possible that ME, as it is now, is a man-made pathogen, either accidentally or purposefully, and maybe a plant medicine cannot be that effective against a man-made illness.
as im sure you know, me/cfs represents a challenge to any healer and generally shows the inadequacies of their treatments when used for this specific long term illness. i don't go with the man made stuff personally.
But the shamans and the facilitators all had the attitude that one must suffer more to "deserve" healing, which I do not agree with.
not quite sure what you're suggesting here. suffer more during the process? the idea that one is deserving, or not, of healing is clearly wrong.
That is what made it into a "vision quest" type of experience and not a healing one. One feature of an ayahuasca "retreat" is that there is a whole lot of forced vomiting. Ayahuasca itself is called "la purga" because it forces a great deal of vomiting and those shamans believe the "bad spirits" are expelled in the vomit. Most centers also administer other plants that cause vomiting and diarhhea. During the "ceremony" everyone is provided with a vomit bucket and the sounds you hear for the first hour or two ("ceremonies" last for 5-7 hours) are the sounds of people puking their guts out. That alone wore me out. I attended 13 such ceremonies while there for three weeks. In hindsight, I should have left the "retreat" early, as did 4 other participants who didn't benefit either, but I kept hoping it would start to work for me.
"forced vomitting"...you mean emetics? i've been scared to try those knowing that my ability to vomit has reduced, i would be scared i couldn't expel, which is very necessary, the emetic. were you given an emetic outside of the aya ceremony and if so did it make you vomit? id be interested as i have contemplated emetics. 13 ceremonies...no-one can say you didn't try huh! ive encountered a few people who find it very necessary to drink it alone, even without a sitter. terence mckenna, a cool bloke but i don't align myself with his ideas, could not journey with a sitter as, as he said, he gets too much into their psyche and thats not good. one fella reported experienncing other peoples problems and knowing their darkest secrets just because they were journeying next to him. so group journeys are another kettle of fish altogether. i think you should have left too. my problem with retreats is that you come under their philosophy of health. really all they should do is provide a safe place to do it imo.
I have read of two other people with ME who have tried ayahuasca. They both said they had improvement, or thought they did, but it didn't last. They were both young men who had not been sick for 32 years as I have.
yes it doesn't cure me/cfs...though it might for a very few. it comes back for me too, the me/cfs, but then my interest in it is not to cure me/cfs (it was at first) but to clear the ground around myself, erase the affects of longterm illness on the psyche...etc, so that there are less obstacles to focussing on healing.
I get the impression you think someone as sick as I am/was is somehow wrong to try a difficult treatment in hopes on getting better. I just don't understand that attitude. Those who can, do the same with the experimental treatments that are available to us now -- Ampligen, for instance, or Rituximab.
no i don't think you're wrong to try it at all. in retrospect the retreat was obviously a bad idea but how were you to know? we have deduced that a retreat, or some retreats, could be risky for some with me/cfs.
I am not selling it nor am I telling others not to try ayahuasca. I'm just sharing one person's real life experience with it. There is plenty of propaganda out there about how wonderful it is. Even as I got sicker while there, those who felt they had positive experiences were being videotaped for youtube, about how it fixed all their problems. I, however, was simply ignored after I did not get better. There was pressure to support the product and process they were selling and to blame the patient for not getting better. "You're resisting the ayahuasca" I was told, which could not be further from the truth. I meditated before each ceremony and surrendered to Mother Ayahuasca. I saw the white anaconda, representing Her. I asked for my healing in 13 different ways. She did not heal me. She did not harm me either. It was the human process around it that harmed me, especially the sleep deprivation.
ok, all fair enough, but to be clear, your ayahuasca experience was one with retreats. it might be wholly more beneficial if done at home for instance. but that might not be possible due to your countries laws or you may not want to. the experiences you speak of above are more reasons i wouldn't attend a retreat. the fact you're under their health philosophy etc. im glad you seperate ayahuasca from the retreat and the people in it. you say she didn't heal you...i found that what i liked was the fact that i did the healing. i did have external forces too...i'll share one::
i was laying there suffering, as is usual for the first halff (antagonist to protagonist), when i became aware that i was to receive some grace, i.e. healing without suffering the pain first. i felt a diamond being pressed into a point on my brow, third eye i assume, and then some kind of spirit hawk/eagle flew out of my head (lol). i lay there inadvertently meditative for about 20 seconds and it returned and entered my forehead again, which did feel strange. i knew i should lay still. then 4 beings appeared round my bed. 3 were what i would describe as energy healers looking like some kind of wizard. each one took what seemed to be a part of my energy field and commenced swishing a wand or their hands or something, through this field. i could feel the affects on my body too. the fourth being was some kind of overseer and i was less aware of him. after several minutes or half an hour, i really couldn't tell, they finished and left...no goodbyes! after that i spent the rest of the night in a kind of ecstatic trance with energy shooting up my spine.
the point...it certainly cleared a few blocks. add to that the purge, which is an important part. ive never found the purge tp be forced in any way. it does consume you when it comes over as it feels like your whole body, including your big toe, is about to projectile vomit all of your problems. the purge can also clear your digestive tract of many bugs, parasites and the like and give your gut health a re-boot. microbes etc all have certain frequencies and when ill the body is opened to lower vibratory systems to invade and start their job of dismantling and returning you to the soil...ayahuasca via majorly increasing your vibratory rate enables you to throw off and purge most things that are lower frequency. but intestinal integrity takes months to repair and build. so aya could never do that in a night.
i also had what seemed like a soul retrieval and that felt deeply helpfull...to become aware of a part of yourself and connect to that releases a kind of energy. it allowed me to see a pictorial representation of the suffering id gone through with me/cfs up to that point. by seeing it and feeling and watching it from a point of meditative awareness, disolved that suffering. so the healing goes way beyond even trying to cure me/cfs. it was more to clear me out so i could focus on what i needed to do during the daily basis of the illness. all this was many years ago and im worse now and wonder if i could even make use of her now. it helped me a great deal at the time and if i could, i would, as i know it would erase the affects the last few years have unfortunately had on me.
