and on another note you areot
Definately depersonalization, but there's much more on top of it. However in hoping that the DP is somewhat self-inflicted I've been working with a therapist for a while but it's very tough because of my other metal I abilities from this. I literally can not feel enough of the world to be able to make changes, look at other perspectives, etc.. There's just a blank nothingness on top of the DP. I can not feel ANY reality at all- not that I'm in an alternate reality just that I'm so far I can't feel it out there anywhere. The worse I get the less of the very problem I can feel.
I'm really happy to hear that you have recovered from your DP tho- did yours come on with the ME? And how r u doing now? Sounds like you are pretty recovered which is very refreshing to hear.
DP is much, much better, only slightly bad right now due to sleep deprivation and the like... haha okay man I feel whats going on... I do not go into this much but it feels like it applies so I will, I hope you have an open mind though.
The No thing ness you are talking about is very much reality and sounds like whatever challenges you went through opened a spiritual awakening... This is not super esoteric or anything of the like either. It is simply an opening that is to the source of reality. There is the no thing ness, which appears as there is no "out there" nothing is separate from you, you also probably completely lack a false sense of little "me" or self image right? Its not like a visual thing per say but a very deep feeling and recognition from a much deeper place right? Like everything seems empty of substance and maybe a sense of being in the complete darkness? There is two sides to the coin so to speak the no thing ness which initially is extremely terrifying and daunting like someone pushed you off a cliff of nothingness and literally you are completely naked in the unknown with no reference to anything... Without any background in spirituality or teaching this can be incredibly scary and disorientating... What I can tell you is that it is unlikely you will ever return to a place of seeing in separation or from mental sense of "me" viewpoint... Basically your conditioning and the glasses of perception that you had on life have been removed. Its a complete falling away of the realm of Belief.. However you haven't come into full realization of the everything ness which is the other side of the same coin, which means viewing as source or existence perceiving itself. That is viewing in one ness and the by products are an incredible sense of well being and peace.. De personalization is extremely common as a defense trigger because of all of this, its literally a death of ego after all..
What I suggest as a remedy for you is do not run back to the old ways of thinking and structure because it will not be there, and depending on how deep you are you will not find a "sense" of self either.. Contemplate and bring your attention on the everything ness instead of the no thing ness, just try and see if you can perceive it and feel it within yourself and surrounding environment. I know this is all really scary and disorientating because I went through it too, I just don't usually talk about it unless I feel called too..
I highly suggest you check out the book Way of Liberation by Adyashanti heres a link to it
http://www.adyashanti.org/wayofliberation/
Here is some youtube videos that help for reference as well!
Adya on reality
and heres some audio links of his book The end of your world.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=adyashanti end of your world&sm=1
Also check out some other teachers like Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, and this interview with one of my teachers at
http://batgap.com/ellie-roozdar/ There are two separate interviews and the site has plenty of other people on there as well..
The funny thing about all you are mentioning is that you don't need to believe what I am saying or even like or dislike it, it simply is talking directly to your reality of experience right now, and how to fully stabilize a place of true perception and unity within yourself. I am sure the illness is also cleansing out your energetic system and will clear up with full embodiment of truth. I hope this all finds you well friend and I wish you the very best! God bless your heart!
On a side note I was never officially diagnosed with ME/CFS, Not sure if i even have it just been having very strong fatigue due to a sinus infection with symptoms that could match CFS... Time will tell if I do or not, though I am not enlightened as of now and maybe whatever I have is also clearing out my system... I have been very involved with spirituality long before getting sick.
I don't feel that your perception and experience is related too much to the brain stuff, this goes much beyond normal organic chemistry. At least from what you mention as if this is the main thing going on.
Also once you really stabalize this life will be better then ever before, in fact more then you could ever possibly imagine! Just have trust in this experience and let yourself give in to it fully... Trust the unknown and just relax, It will definitely take care of itself and you have plenty of teachers and tools to use as an opening to grace, as I have shown you.