Where the 'I' resides

Blog entry posted by marjojo, Apr 8, 2017.

Hospital appointment on Monday. Went/was taken fully, freshly dressed (improvement on last year!). I cannot remember much - fatigue blots memory out.

Wrote this a while back. Too tired to reframe (although the worst is over), and it's more or less the same each time): 'Any outing takes its toll. Not of the pick-and-choose variety, mind, but with a wagonload of rot and muck. Extreme, frenzied, obliterating fatigue swamps mind and body, as does acute pain: flaring up, shooting about my form, lingering in places – as if head in a clamp or pierced by knitting needles; as if brain pushing against shrinking skull; as if punched in the face, hands as if trodden on, limbs as if bruised from falling; brief rushes in teeth, ears, soles of feet, kidneys, clavicles, ribcage, abdomen, shoulder blades. Days and days of this, then slow and incremental relief.'

The pain seems like a counter-weight to the tiredness I return with, and an expression of it. Fatigue is dull, heavy, a shutting down of body, faculties, desire; pain seems loud, driven, alive. It screeches through my body. The span between the two is where the 'I' resides.
ahmo, alkt and hellytheelephant like this.

About the Author

Unless completely eviscerated by fatigue I need to create. Used to make art, hands permitting, now pour my art into writing.
  1. marjojo
    A hug is just what I need today, thank you! Writing is my survival skill. Can spend a whole day kneading a sentence into shape. Gives me purpose and validation. Occasionally it brings a moment of connection. Sending a gentle hug right back.
    Somer likes this.
  2. ahmo
    Wonderful that you can be so articulate. Sending you a hug.
    marjojo likes this.