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Where I'm at

Blog entry posted by Dainty, Nov 17, 2012.

Some who have been following my story want to know how I'm doing. The short answer is, I'm doing fine. A good kind of fine. Stable and in a far more improved condition than I was 6 months ago.

It's tempting to leave my answer there, but since I have been sharing so much about this treatment, I'm beginning to feel compelled to share a bit beyond my comfort zone.

The truth is, in order for this treatment to really take hold it's imperative that you avoid stress or forcing of any kind, that you allow yourself to process through emotions and that you rest enough with your nervous system wound down (which doesn't necessarily happen automatically, even while asleep). If you go against that imperative, what happens is your body puts itself in a state of lockdown. If bad enough, it can undo the treatment recently done. A more mild case can simply stop further progress until the next treatment gets things moving again, or until you start allowing the releases to continue by bringing yourself out of that state.

I'm in that lockdown state, mostly because my nervous system is wound up. It's not necessarily unpleasant - I get to be happy and excited all the time, and I have reason to be, too. I now casually wander over next door to visit with my family up to several times a day, and I don't pay for it. Previously the past 6 years I only entered the house once a year for a few hours Christmas morning. I'm playing the piano again, after nearly 7 years. I'm even getting some personal paperwork in order, which previously was too stressful for me to even consider doing. I love, love, love doing this stuff. Even when it's stressful. And I experience no tangible side effects from this activity. After so may years of being bedbound to roombound, my envelope has increased considerably and I'm having so much fun exploring my new world.

You must understand, this does not feel like pushing. "Pushing", in my mind, means I feel like I don't have the energy for something but I do it anyway. That isn't what this is. The exercise feels good for a change. Everything feels great.

Nervertheless, I am doing too much. I know it, and I need to find a way to come down from it in order to continue on the healing path. The way I know this is because I can feel things no longer shifting, releasing, moving. it's all stagnant. Sometimes it starts up agian, but I can't seem to rest long enough to let it continue happening, so I get up and it stops. And after a week of this it's locking down more and more.

This isn't a serious threat to my long term healing. I know the next osteo treatment will unlock me nicely, so that gives me just under a week to keep experimenting with ways to bring myself out of this on my own. Starting tomorrow I'll be without computer access for a few days, which is always helpful to remove distractions and make me actually deal with my body. I'm not looking forward to it, because my body usually has a lot of complaints when it's been ignored for a few days. But in the end, paying attention to each and every issue without blocking it out or shinking from it, and guiding myself to feel totally safe and calm leads to healing that is so palpable, from the inside out, you can just feel with every fiber of your being that your body is getting what it's been screaming for all this time, and restoration is happening.

It is worth it.

So this is me, reporting where I'm at. Functionally, I've had huge leaps of improvement in even just the past month or so. But in order to progress further, I have some things to work through on my end, in order to get myself back to that healing space.
Dainty

About the Author

Dainty became ill as a teenager and spent 7 years mostly bedridden from ME/CFS, life-threatening MCS reactions, extreme food allergies/sensitivities, cognitive impairment, fibromyalgia, episodes of temporary paralysis and various unexplained emergencies. The past couple years she has experienced profound improvement from various treatment approaches. With homelessness and PTSD presenting as significant obstacles, she continues to pursue healing full time and find incorrigible opportunities to enjoy life.
  1. madietodd
    Ah hahahaha. Look at my brain not working so good.
  2. Dainty
    Thanks! However I should probably mention that this was written a year and two days ago, though, not day before yesterday. The timing of my return was not intentional, promise.
  3. madietodd
    It's so great to have you back! You're the little engine that could.
  4. Nico
    Dainty, It is really wonderful to read that you have made significant progress. I wish you (for one) more days of piano playing! (something I really miss).... thank you for your update :)