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Therapy session

Blog entry posted by lnester7, Jul 19, 2012.

Thank you all for the kind encouragement and for reading my blog. When you all let me know I am not the only one struggling with these things, it just makes CFS mentally more manageable overall.

Update: Brain fog keep increasing, I cannot even watch movies, I think is the walks. Minor crash after therapy: 2 hours in bed. Exercise is on hold until further notice or maybe I will just change the type.

Physically and Emotionally in a very good place.
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So today I had the second session with therapist (T) and it was very much of the same: I am struggling with acceptance and management of the illness (No $hit ?!?!).

She tells me to give myself permission to be sick, learn to communicate to husband what I can and cannot do, and communicate it several times a day if needed: Where I am and how I am doing.

Like many others, I am type A personality, all about the planning, control and over achievement. It has been hard for me to let go. How can you go from being a planner to be a free spirit?? How to let go of my conceived sense of control?
How do you redefine your whole personality just to survive this thing?

T told me to adapt to the difference in personality with husband, if he doesn't plan in advance is not the end of the world. There is not a right way or a wrong way, just different approaches to situations. That I am stressing over things that are not really important and making the situation more difficult on myself.

So I am going to work on being more adaptive, and accepting that I am sick and this can be a permanent situation, and more communication to husband of how I am doing.
  1. taniaaust1
    she sounds like a good therapist :) and one which most of us would love to have. Flexability and acceptance of change is the only thing which works well with this illness.

    Im a type A personality too. I learnt how to listen to my own body only after I'd been taught to the hard way.
  2. Don Quichotte
    "How do you redefine your whole personality just to survive this thing?"

    You don't.

    What I say might not make much sense, but by giving up control over what you can't control, you gain control over what you can control.

    You don't change your personality (why should you?), but you adapt to the new circumstances.

    Just like you didn't think before that having control over your life means that you can safely jump from a high rise building. You now have to learn that having control over your life doesn't mean that you can do what your body physically can't.

    communicating with others is important, because it is hard for them to see what you are experiencing and they may non-intentionally (and out of the best intentions) push you to do what you can't.

    Their doubts make you doubt yourself and what you are experiencing and make it much harder for your to accept your obscure disabilities.
  3. Xandoff
    So I am going to work on being more adaptive, and accepting that I am sick and this can be a permanent situation, and more communication to husband of how I am doing.

    Inester7..............

    I am also a Type A personality and after 9 years I have learned to live within my energy envelope because anytime I push beyond myself I crash and crash hard. It's hard to teach an old Flea like me how to be a new dog. I so relate to you Inester7....arf arf arf!
  4. GracieJ
    I love your therapist. Can I borrow her? I am happy for you that you have her. I struggled through most of this process alone. What a bizarre alternative universe we enter into with this. It becomes a winter of rebirthing, and I know for me that was one long winter, years and years. There is joy on the other end, I promise. One day, you realize most of the grief is behind, and what people think is a whatever moment on the scope. I like me better now, and that is hard to believe sometimes. It has made me a much better person. It could have happened a lot sooner, but I am so darn stubborn and was in total denial of the changes I needed to make to manage an illness permanently. I love your blogs. Keep going!!
    GcMAF Australia likes this.
  5. merylg
    Oh 7 thanks for articulating the struggle to come to terms with this illness and it's impact on every aspect of life. I struggle with the same questions. Sometimes I feel I am living my life in parallel to those around me, and that I am just cramping their style. Some are in denial & don't see any need to plan or change things. Hard to negotiate some changing roles as we require more help, or want someone to come to a Dr's apptmt with us when we never wanted them to come before. Your counsellor sounds helpful.
    GcMAF Australia likes this.