The Spoons Don't work..........

Blog entry posted by hellytheelephant, Apr 24, 2016.

The Spoons Don’t Work….

Over the last year, I have been reading as much as my tired and foggy little brain will let me, not only about the nuts and bolts of ME (I am all too familiar with that!), but about how to communicate the experience to the average chronic-illness-virgin. I am also a chronic pain sufferer and it is similarly difficult to explain to the average person what it is like to be in bad pain that is apparently never going to get better, and has no specific cause.

Whilst friendships with healthy people have withered and fallen like crusty brown leaves to the ground, I have made new and warm connections with the very elderly and the chronically ill. I do not kid myself that this would have been probable (or even desirable) before I became a refugee, fleeing the world of wellness and finding a safe haven with those who are generous with the little they can offer.

Nevertheless there IS a need to explain my deeply baffling illness. There are times I need to defend my corner, and need to know how to articulate the fuzziness of our illness to a ‘healthy’.

I have discovered there is a whole new vocabulary for our diminished energy supplies, the best known being the ‘Spoon Theory’. For me at least I find it frustratingly unhelpful. In brief the idea is that a bunch of spoons, real or imagined, can be used to explain how the energy of a chronically sick person is drained: Eating breakfast: one spoon gone, taking a shower, minus another spoon and so on until spread like jam on the nearest mattress-‘spoonless’.

This similie doesn’t work for the simple reason that on any given day I never know how many spoons I have to start with. Sure, I know if I have slept badly and wake grumpy and in pain, it will likely be a beast of a day, but it is not always so easy to predict. Some days are slow to get started and then I find a surprising burst of energy after my nap. Other times I feel quite good and energised first thing, only to crash at 11am and am forced to retreat to my bed for the duration. The explanation is obvious: someone is nicking my spoons!

There is also the Energy Envelope (the amount of energy I have most days would fit easily into an envelope), Energy Account ( at the bank of un-co-operative where I can never get an accurate statement and someone keeps withdrawing my money), and Marbles (as with the Spoons, how do I know how many marbles I have or use?)…and don’t get me started on losing my marbles which becomes more likely with every day that passes..

Why am I getting so steamed up about a handful of spoons, a virtual bank account and a lot of glass balls? Maybe it is because if I had a more ‘recognised’ long-term illness I would be getting treatment, not similes.

We are told we must have a new way of seeing things, a new attitude to being sick. We must work 24/7 at being ill and in addition we must advocate for ourselves in a world that is baffled by our illness, and is barely funding research to help us LIVE again.

It seems that when the medical profession can’t understand or cure something, they then turn the responsibility back to the patients. It can only be our own fault to have allowed ourselves to become ill with something that defies explanation: our punishment is to be forced to waste our minuscule energies on into ‘managing’ the unmanageable. Doctors telling us to pace more,is like the captain of the Titanic complaining that the ship is only sinking because the deckchairs are poorly arranged.

It is good that many people find the spoons etc helpful, and yes, I know most of these ideas come from patients themselves. Maybe I was just not drawn that way. I don’t believe that life can be codified so readily. Whilst there are activities that always take up a lot of energy, most things vary according to other elements that are completely outside my control: the season, time of day, other infections, my cycle,OTHER PEOPLE, receiving good/bad news, and for me how Mr H is- as there are two of us chronically ill at the elephant house. I would have to be a master statistician to analyse the spoons out of that lot!

ME is no respecter of our plans, schemes and attitudes. To paraphrase the saying ‘ ME goes on regardless, whilst you are busy making plans’
hellytheelephant

About the Author

ME since 1993. Level 3 You can find my sometimes serious/sometimes funny blog about living this life,( in which you can also check out my artworks), at: https://thechronicelephant.blogspot.co.uk/
  1. GreenBlanket
    That was a great little read. Elicited some much needed howls of laughter out of me.
    hellytheelephant likes this.
  2. justy
    Thanks for this Helly - a great blog post! I have used the spoons theory to explain things to the uninitiated and it was working fine until my children decided they would keep running to the kitchen drawer and physically giving me extra spoons. Like you, I never know howe many I will have on a given day. Like you I can wake up thick and groggy and end up having an ok day - other days I can feel like im going to leap pout of bed only to be hit by a wave of 'feeling like death warmed up' by 11 am.
    MEMum and hellytheelephant like this.
  3. Keela Too
    :) Thanks... Great contribution. It will be scheduled for 8.30am UK time on 12th May ....
    MEMum, justy and hellytheelephant like this.
  4. hellytheelephant
    Thank you @Keela- you have my permission to copy my words onto your blog . Please call me hellytheelephant and use my little blue elephant avatar..
    MEMum likes this.
  5. Keela Too
    Folk can submit links using the form in my blog post here:
    http://sallyjustme.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/may12blogbomb-please-submit-your-links.html

    Or if you'd like me to put it on Just ME as a guest blog, you could just give me permission to copy your words into a post that I would create on Just ME. I could attribute it to you as Hellytheelephant (or if you want your real name... up to you). I would say it was first published here. It would go live on 12th May and I'd also add the link to the link list.

    I'd probably use your lovely elephant image as a photo for it (as that seems to help when sharing etc.)
    MEMum and hellytheelephant like this.
  6. hellytheelephant
    Thanks @Keela, that would be great!- I am keen to do more writing for our cause and would be honored to appear on your blog!. Not sure how to submit to #May12BlogBomb ????
    MEMum and Keela Too like this.
  7. Keela Too
    Just thinking about this post again... it is good.... would you consider submitting it for #May12BlogBomb ? I'm assuming PR blogs like this are publicly shareable? (If not I'd be happy to guest blog it on Just ME). See what you think. To me it really helps explain some of the dilemmas ME folk face. xx
    hellytheelephant likes this.
  8. Keela Too
    "Doctors telling us to pace more,is like the captain of the Titanic complaining that the ship is only sinking because the deckchairs are poorly arranged."
    Love this analogy. Very good!
    SueJohnPat, ahmo and hellytheelephant like this.
  9. hellytheelephant
    Thanks so much for the encouraging comments re writing.I am trying to build up my confidence.I know many people find the Spoons helpful- it's just that I don't and believe me I have tried!
    SueJohnPat, ahmo and Effi like this.
  10. taniaaust1
    I myself do resonate well to the spoons :p eg a person has so much energy and that is it once its gone its gone (you may not know how many spoons are in that jar thou)..

    I'd like to say you are a very good writer, thanks for the read
    MEMum and hellytheelephant like this.