I remember there was a time that I could pay attention to detail in tasks like cleaning, washing up after myself, or even help around the house doing gardening or DIY.
Having OCD majority of my life, I liked to keep things tidy, and I had to clean up after myself straight away. If I had dinner, the dishes would be clean and dried and put away. Every Sunday when my mother and stepdad would go out, I would clean the entire house.
Those are just a few examples of how I functioned, and I felt happy doing it. I liked ‘being clean’. Now, it’s totally different. I can only do my own cleaning, and no one else’s because it’s just too much strain and stress on me mentally.
There’s times where my family have left dishes, and I just can’t do them because of the stress. Often I lay in bed knowing I have to have a bath, and I just mentally can’t do it. My body could do it, but my head can’t due to the stress and mental fatigue.
The littlest of tasks are extremely stressful to do, and I just can’t do what I could before. One positive thing that has come from this, is that I’ve been forced to change my perspective on ‘cleanliness’. With my OCD before, I would have to clean up any mess I saw. Nowadays I use my energy on what’s important, and I believe that the most important thing to concentrate on and expend energy on is myself. I feel bad ‘putting myself first’, but at the end of he day, no one really understands what I feel on a daily basis. So it’s down to me to take control.
The Smallest of Things Have Become Hard Work
Blog entry posted by SmokinJoeFraz93, Sep 7, 2017.