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The Hell of Keeping Up

Blog entry posted by Carrigon, Mar 3, 2012.

No one understands what I have to do just to do something normal in life. The real hell of trying to keep up. My best friend wanted to go out to dinner last night. Well, in order for me to be able to do that, I had to take pseudofed just so I wouldn't be lightheaded and weak and dizzy. So I did that, and it did work. But I'm paying in spades today for it. It stripped my glands again. I have terrible pain with the glands in my throat. And I'm in pain all over. I didn't sleep well. The food we ate must have been loaded with msg and aspartame. I had all the twilight sleep and all the symptoms of that. Woke up in screaming pain all over. And today I can't do anything at all.

I didn't look any different from anyone else in the restaurant. No one knew I was in pain. No one knew the sounds were causing me pain. Just walking from our booth to the buffet and actually having to carry a plate, I was dying. I thought I would drop the plate on the way back to the table because my wrist and hand hurt holding it. But luckily, I didn't drop it.

I'm just paying in spades for going out. I loved being with my friend, but the payback is so horrible and so awful.

I wouldn't have been able to go without the pseudofed. We had to wait on a fairly long line just to get in. And then it was a buffet where you had a long walk from your table to the food and back.

I suffer no matter where we go. At least this place didn't have music. The ones that have music nearly kill me.

And I can't take my muscle relaxant or pain killers when I have to be some place. So that makes the torture a thousand times worse. I have to be clean and sober to do anything. So often times, I go around completely unmedicated besides the pseudofed and I just suffer to hell and back. People just have no clue of the pain and suffering. And how hard it really is for me to do anything in the real world. And the horrific payback that always awaits.
  1. taniaaust1
    ***hugz*** completely sympathise with that. I does suck. I think we become the worlds best fakers over how fine we all when we feel anything but that.

    We had to wait on a fairly long line just to get in.

    I hope you dont mind me making a suggestion. When I go out to birthday eat out or whatever with friends (I only tend to go out on special occassions), I NEVER wait in those cues, to do so would be dangerous for me. I always find a way around that.

    I ask my family/friends to do the standing waiting for me by either being taken to the location just after the table booking start time.. that way I can sit at the table while another waits in queue for me.

    If others arent already seated I'll go to the top of the queue and tell them I need to have a chair supplied to me while waiting in the queue, I tell them due to health reasons I will faint and need to be stretchered out if left standing. (that's actually happened).

    I strongly suggest that you start trying to do the same as it will help improve the impact of these outings on you.

    Best wishes