No one understands what I have to do just to do something normal in life. The real hell of trying to keep up. My best friend wanted to go out to dinner last night. Well, in order for me to be able to do that, I had to take pseudofed just so I wouldn't be lightheaded and weak and dizzy. So I did that, and it did work. But I'm paying in spades today for it. It stripped my glands again. I have terrible pain with the glands in my throat. And I'm in pain all over. I didn't sleep well. The food we ate must have been loaded with msg and aspartame. I had all the twilight sleep and all the symptoms of that. Woke up in screaming pain all over. And today I can't do anything at all.
I didn't look any different from anyone else in the restaurant. No one knew I was in pain. No one knew the sounds were causing me pain. Just walking from our booth to the buffet and actually having to carry a plate, I was dying. I thought I would drop the plate on the way back to the table because my wrist and hand hurt holding it. But luckily, I didn't drop it.
I'm just paying in spades for going out. I loved being with my friend, but the payback is so horrible and so awful.
I wouldn't have been able to go without the pseudofed. We had to wait on a fairly long line just to get in. And then it was a buffet where you had a long walk from your table to the food and back.
I suffer no matter where we go. At least this place didn't have music. The ones that have music nearly kill me.
And I can't take my muscle relaxant or pain killers when I have to be some place. So that makes the torture a thousand times worse. I have to be clean and sober to do anything. So often times, I go around completely unmedicated besides the pseudofed and I just suffer to hell and back. People just have no clue of the pain and suffering. And how hard it really is for me to do anything in the real world. And the horrific payback that always awaits.
The Hell of Keeping Up
Blog entry posted by Carrigon, Mar 3, 2012.