I haven't wanted to write in here because I feel like I agitate people on PR. I had spoken of these awesome peptide shots and people were emailing me and I didn't know where to tell you to go. I still don't. I only know of one place, and that is where I live. I have had major improvements on these peptide shots. I don't feel among the dead anymore. I am not wishing for death. I have more energy. I am out and about everyday. I have been able to keep up with some work, at least for now. Bills are being paid, sleep is coming, no allergic reactions to food, going out with friends, laughing effortlessly, talking on the phone. All things I could not do a year ago. All due to these shots. I am on my 7th shot. You are supposed to be on them for a year.
I agitate some, I feel, because I don't know where to tell you to go to get them. Because I have no information on them, because you can't find info about them on the internet and I am sworn to secrecy. BUT, I have sent 3 people to my doctor and 2 will be going on them so far. I have done something positive, I hope. I have told you I was missing a peptide and it is being replaced. And it is being replaced. The only thing I can't eat in full, is lasagna. The cheese bothers me. It's too much cheese. I look a bright yellow for 2 days following eating it. I love lasagna. I can eat everything else. It's a miracle. Coming from a girl or woman who couldn't eat anything due to allergies that I had developed. Water was something I even started reacting to.
I still have major brain fog. That is my chief complaint. I have asked my doctor what can I do? I am on folapro along with the B-12 and minerals. He wants me to sit in a tub and soak in epsom salts and have the sauna on in my bathroom. Well, I can't. I live in a tiny apartment. I have 2 bedrooms, but there is no room for this small sauna in my stamp of a bathroom. He wants me to sweat the lead out that I have in my body. I also am full of arsenic. To take EDTA would not work with the shots I am getting so I can't do that.
I must admit; I am really not into doing anything right now more than what I am doing. I want to live my life and I have spent years trying to get better with expensive attempts that did not work. I don't feel like putting more effort, time, etc into anything other than this shot which lasts less than one minute. I LOVE THAT!! No pills, nothing to swallow and have a reaction too, etc. It's a blessing.
I still have CFS. It's always present but I am better at handling stress. Last week I broke my nose. A door slammed into me and broke my nose. I had blood coming out all over. I cleaned up and drove myself to the hospital and just dealt with it. If that happened 8 months ago, I would have had a nervous breakdown. I am sure of it. The night of having broke my nose, I watched tv and just went to sleep early. No crying hysterically, pain, but tolerable and I am recovering.
The biggest thing that is bugging me, aside from the brain fog and fatigue which is present, is the weight gain. Since I am now able to eat food without reactions, I am absorbing it. I am finally able to absorb food. Well, I have put on about 13 pounds. I can eat cheese now and ice cream and junk food. Before, I wouldn't let that stuff pass through my lips. I AM EATING. So, I have put on weight. I have been told I look healthier, which could be another form of telling me I am a butterball. I weigh 120 pds and I am 5 foot 3. Everyone tells me, "you can take the weight off if you go back to the way you were eating." They say this because I am upset by my chunkier frame, but I don't want to go back to eating that way anymore. I want to have a cheat here and there. I still eat salads and organic foods, but now I have organic ice cream!! The one thing about not being able to eat foods is, you eat all veggies and protein and never put weight on. I couldn't have any grains and now I can. I still stay away from wheat but I have cheese everyday and some form of a carb. I was not able to have potatoes, corn, rice, so that was a lot of carbs to avoid. Now that I can eat them, the pounds are coming back on. What do you do? Stay on a bland diet? That diet was awful. It sucked. That is the word...sucked. I don't want to live like that. I remember watching and being freaked out by every little thing that I put into my mouth. Not because of weight, but because it would make me sick. I would have a reaction. NO MORE...and THANK YOU GOD! WHOOA!!:victory:
And, I am going to start dating again. I have decided to put my foot in the water. I feel more alive. I am still lacking a sex drive, but I want a companion. I need to go out. I look forward to flirting and just living and having fun. Even if it goes nowhere, I don't care. I have no expectations. The good thing about feeling better, aside from everything, is you become happy with your life and you don't need or want all that you thought you did.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. Happy Holidays everyone and I wish better health to all of you. ALL OF YOU! I am very aware that at any minute, my health could go" bye bye" all over again. I am trying to live in the moment and live. JUST LIVE and sometimes that is away from a computer!
Proof of Life...
Blog entry posted by The Spitfire, Nov 14, 2010.