So today was... How to even describe it, I have been in all the sides of the spectrum of the mood scale.
For starters, I didn't sleep, not sure why I was having PEM so intense, so I stopped fighting it and got out of bed at 4am. I got this burning and buzz in head that was horrible. I was so desperate that it occurred to me that I no longer feared hell, because there was no way I could imagine anything else that feeling burning alive! I prayed in all ways I knew how ( I even did the catholic praying way).
I googled how to starve myself to death which I knew was momentarily insanity because I cannot go longer than a meal without food. I got quite exited to know that I could end this misery in 40 days or so!!! Not too bad. That was until breakfast time came and I got hungry then the nonsense went away.
I put ice on head and felt better, then could go back to sleep. After I woke up, I had the great idea to exercise. This is one of the things that get blood to my brain so I would give it a try to see if the buzzing would get better even for at least a moment (it can disappears sometimes when I walk). So 1 mile later (5min on 5 laying down) and buzz still there.
Then I receive the call from the electrophysiologyst that I had to travel 45min because lady could not fax a paper and I needed to sing it to request my records.
By this time I was feeling good, Life looking good, Mood great, buzz tolerable.
Got dinner ready and by now I have PEM back with a vengeance. I will put ice on head. Mood now not so good and the outlook on life pretty grim.
I think I need to find a way to deal with mood while I get desperate with this burning episodes!!!!
hell and back and every place in between
Blog entry posted by lnester7, Jul 11, 2012.