I'd been having a string of bad days, and today there was a delightful break in the clouds.
I'm thankful for good days.
My pain levels were barely high enough to keep me from resting but nothing that a good distraction wouldn't take care of. I got up to find the chatroom just the right kind of busy, and it remained so for the better part of the day with people coming and going and lurking in a mixture of sadness and laughter discussing topics ranging from, well, everything really...including a 5 gallon bucket of wine somewhere in the mix.
The dog needed to be taken out, and since my caretaker was away I gathered up my strength as best I could and stepped beyond the door of my hideaway home. The gift of a pleasantly warm day greeted me, and I felt the pull of the beauty of this world so different from my own. A sound overhead drew my attention and I looked up just in time to see swallows playfully flitting across the sky. A breeze of unknown origin teased at my hair, as if inviting me to join in.
I sat down on the stoop. Mustn't exert myself, I cautioned. The day is lovely; enjoy it from here, as if gazing into a painting on the wall and transported by the place it portrays but never attempting to step inside the frame.
The sun peeked out as I sat there in the shade, and my eyes presently came to rest upon...was that raspberries across the driveway? Are they ripe? Seemed they could be. Can I walk that far? Should I? What of the repercussions?
2 seconds later I had let myself go.
I made my way over to the bushes, trusty cane in hand, and lifted my skirts to step barefoot onto the beauty bark. I giggled. I am so going to pay for this. The raspberries were indeed ripe, but before I could pluck one a bee whizzed directly past my ear, startling me for a millisecond before I grinned, recognizing the busy hum of many more unseen around me. There's an example of creatures who love their job! The raspberries were just as I remembered, sweet, tart - a bit too tart if you picked the wrong one. I grew up eating them from my grandma's garden and now offshoots from her bushes are right here giving me that same taste I enjoy so much.
Could such rich simplicity compete with even the best of chef's creations? How is it that I, so deprived in other ways, am given the food of kings to eat?
My stomach began to turn and I had already begun my careful journey back across the cement when a damselfly of brilliant blue flew around me and landed nearby. I followed, and flowers of vibrant colors drew me in still more as I knelt down and reached out to caress their petals -
Reality hit as I steadied myself just in time from falling over; a reminder that my Cinderella moment was coming to a close. Not yet, I pleaded silently, much as a child begs to stay up "a few more minutes" after being called to bed. I looked up in prayer and was immediately made breathless by the display of clouds painted above me in a gorgeous tapestry - a mixture of white fluffiness and ominous grey, with the sun still shining through in places. The wind picked up again and I stood there, face upturned, leaning against my cane, eyes closed...
For a moment, time stood still, and everything was okay.
Blog entry posted by Dainty, Jul 13, 2011.
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About the Author
Dainty became ill as a teenager and spent 7 years mostly bedridden from ME/CFS, life-threatening MCS reactions, extreme food allergies/sensitivities, cognitive impairment, fibromyalgia, episodes of temporary paralysis and various unexplained emergencies. The past 5 years she has experienced profound improvement from various treatment approaches. With homelessness and PTSD presenting as significant obstacles, she continues to pursue healing full time and find incorrigible opportunities to enjoy life.