I REALLY don't want to have people look after me. I don't want my life to be invaded. I want to act according to how I feel, not according to how other people want me to act. Even if they think it's for my own good. What's best for me is acting according to how I feel - this is how I can feel free, even though I can't do much.
I'm estranged from my family though they have offered me to stay with them. There's a lot of problems there; if I moved back into their house I would kill myself. Long story - it would be terrible for my mental health, I just can't do it. So I can't get their help, even if I needed it.
The fact that they offered has freaked me out and made me question if I need help.
How do I know if I need help? I'm not really eating as well as I could do, because cooking is usually too much for me. I'm not leaving the house every day, but I am working two days a week (which at the moment I fear is too much). I only wash the dishes every other day. I shower almost every day.
I'm struggling with not having someone I can talk to every day about accepting this. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I've been like this for 9 months, whatever it is. I'm accepting that this is how it's going to be for a while. Other things in life have become more difficult, in terms of energy but also emotionally. I have good close friends, but I don't want to overburden them. I really wish my flat mates gave a s***.
I know that there must have been countless others who have gone through this more alone than I am. At least I have friends. I'm disadvantaged not to have family support. My family would cause a lot more problems than helping.
Wouldn't it be great if I could have a volunteer who is actually also really hot and would cook for me and maybe there'd be romance and sexy times too... problem is that only creepy people would respond to that kind of volunteer post!
Do I need help? How do I know?
Blog entry posted by lior, Jul 2, 2017.