042614 Did Anyone Get The License on That Truck?
Over the years I have found it difficult to explain to those that don't live with chronic illness how much symptoms impair daily function. They impair physical, mental and emotional function because rarely is there relief, there is always 'something going on'. One of the early comments I would say to myself (back when I didn't share all I was experiencing because I just knew this would pass soon and I would get on with my life without burdening others), initially in the mornings (until my internal clock got turned upside down), is "I feel like I have been run over by a truck". I imagined if one were run over by a truck it would feel like I did/do. When I was still working I would have to literally drag myself out of bed, shower and dress, and drive already exhausted to work. Eventually I stopped showering and styling my hair because it would use up too much energy. I felt horrible doing that but I had to try to get to work until I couldn't anymore.
You lay in bed or on the couch or in a recliner and literally can't move your body, your muscles are weak, aching, fatigued. If you try to will yourself to move you just feel worse later. At times there is a tingling, vibrating sensation in your muscles or just under the skin, bizarre random twitches that last seconds or minutes. At times you can actually see the twitches, others are deep in the muscles and not visible. Sometimes you get sharp pains that are quick, come without warning, which make your body contract adding to your discomfort. The sharp pains can occur in the muscles and the joints. Certain parts of my body would be painful if touched, many times doctors would touch me in their evaluations and I did not even know I was hurting until the spot was touched.
In addition when I have exerted myself (pushed beyond the energy envelope which is a mystery each day where that line is) I would add the symptom of what I called "nerve explosions". I tried to explain to people to remember watching a Fourth of July fireworks finale and apply that visual to your physical body, inside it feels like fireworks going off in your muscles. The intensity and frequency varies. Ten years later I still have no clue what causes that sensation, I suspect something in the brain. It doesn't hurt, it just wears you out and is very annoying especially since it seems most intense when laying down trying to get some sleep.
Another phrase I would use to describe was "feeling like I had been beat up for an extended period of time", literally every inch of my body felt sore, ached. Another way I would try to describe the fatigue and symptoms was I imagined how one would feel if one of those highway machines rolled over your body like they do when they are pressing asphalt. Another example I tried to use to communicate how the fatigue felt (not like the brief muscle fatigue I would recover from as a high school athlete), how overwhelming it felt was imagine having to wear those heavy aprons they put on you when you are having your teeth x-rayed to protect you from the radiation. You feel crushed under the weight, unable to do much but wait till the heavy apron is removed from your torso. I would have to wait for the fatigue to lift, I could not will it to go away. Nothing more boring than laying in bed or on the couch because you just have no energy.
So someone please get the license of that truck that keeps running me over, I want to give that driver an earful. By the way, I'm writing this because this morning I felt like I was run over by a truck.
May I be grateful to God for the good in this day and may my memory fail, as it sometimes does, to recall the bad.
Never Give Up, Never Give In, Keep Fighting!
Did Anyone Get The License On That Truck?
Blog entry posted by roxie60, Apr 26, 2014.
About the Author
My life with a 'mystery illness', well less mystery and more undiagnosed, misdiagnosed. Ten years of trying to make sense of bizarre symptoms, dealing with loses. Longing to know what is wrong and get my life back. Grateful to God for the good hours, days and trying to not dwell on the bad hours and days and weeks and years. Thanks for reading, hope this will help others early in their illness know they are not crazy, it is not 'all in your head'.