CFS Wedding Advice

Blog entry posted by Nightingale, Jan 9, 2017.

CFS weddings!

Does your heart fill with fear at the thought of arranging such a huge, expensive event that you might not physically be able to get through? I feel like mine should have when I started planning my wedding, but honestly I was so naiive, so optimistic. And to be honest, the actual wedding planning has been fine. Enjoyable, even. My relationship with my partner is great. But here is the thing about weddings: everyone else will try to make it their wedding, even though they aren't paying for the thing.

So here are my tips, my "if I could do it all over again" knowledge for all of you that may be thinking of getting married.

First, ELOPE. Don't have a wedding. They're overrated. If you truly want it to be about you and your partner, elope and go to a really nice restaurant. Get dessert even. No, but seriously, consider eloping. With a condition like CFS, you aren't being selfish if you choose not to include others.

OR have a small ceremony with just the people you want there. Then have a reception party with all the people you feel obligated to invite but don't really want to see. Don't tell them it's a wedding until they get there, a surprise reception, if you will. That way they won't impose their will on your wedding, forcing you to spend your precious energy forcing yourself to be assertive while trying not to hurt their feelings.

Lastly, be assertive. It's your wedding, let people know what you want and that's it's not ok for them to walk all over you.

I know that if you're lucky enough to find someone you love and want to marry, a wedding is pretty inconsequential. But I hope that you can still find a way to make it stress-free and enjoyable. ^^ My wedding is next month and my health is so bad now that I'm honestly worried about getting through the day. Also, I've had incredibly bad relations with my family and don't really want to see half of the people that are invited anymore. I have friends attending from overseas, so cancelling or eloping is pretty much no longer an option. But again, while the wedding might not be what we imagined, and while I wish people would stop trying to control it, I am at least happy with the groom!
Hutan, Dainty, OhShoot and 3 others like this.
  1. perchance dreamer
    A friend of mine got married at the J.P. and a couple of months later threw a big party. She and her husband rented the place, and their family and friends did all the work. It was a lot of fun.
  2. Dainty
    CONGRATS!!! :) When is the big day?

    This is timely, because my boyfriend and I are getting so much pressure to marry. We want to, someday, but doing a big wedding now? Hah! Life is way too chaotic still. If the wedding happens to fall on a "bad day" I'd have to cancel on everyone.

    So basically what I've said is: "If we get married now, it would be down at the courthouse. Or we can do what we want to do and wait until life is a little more stable and we actually feel like planning a party."

    So, I totally get the whole eloping thing. We just might do it yet.
    hellytheelephant and Nightingale like this.
  3. TiredSam
    "First, ELOPE. Don't have a wedding. They're overrated. If you truly want it to be about you and your partner, elope and go to a really nice restaurant."

    That's exactly what I did 22 years ago, long before I had ME. I would recommend it to anyone, healthy or otherwise.
    hellytheelephant and Nightingale like this.
  4. hellytheelephant
    We got married before my ME had got really bad, but my groom (who is a chronic pain sufferer) had a pain flare up the day before and I wondered if he would be well enough on the day -but as @Bookworm84 says, adrenaline will keep you going.

    It's YOUR wedding so you decide how things happen on the day. If you tell people ' we are having a 40 minute break now' then that is what will happen! What will make it special is it will be the first day of sharing your life with the man you love....whatever else does/doesn't happen on the day is not important. Family members and even friends, can get very strung up on ' You MUST do X/Y/Z (wear a long dress, have a set meal, give a speech). Trust me on the day no one will notice or care, and those who love you will just be happy for you.

    Tips: do eat throughout (brides typically can forget to eat), and pre-organise some quiet times away from the thong- guests can be exhausting, as can the noise.

    Ask a friend to MC so that there is someone in charge of what happens and when, ( and announces it) so you don't need to be checking things.

    I was given two pieces of advice : keep it simple, and make sure you feed the guests well- followed the advice in both cases. So true- people never remember speeches etc, but they remember being well fed!

    Wishing you a lovely day and happy years ahead.
    Bookworm84 and Nightingale like this.
  5. Bookworm84
    I got married in 2009, about a year or so after CFS was first mentioned to me and I was still in the waiting period before diagnosis. I was terrified that I would be ill on the day. As your wedding is next month and everything is booked I bet you're feeling even more 'trapped' for want of a better word.

    Some tips:
    It's your day, what you say goes. If you need fruit to snack on whilst getting ready, a bottle of water hidden by a bridesmaid, a seat for the ceremony-ask for it.
    It's amazing how much your adrenaline will get you through the day. I'd structured a few mingle breaks for guests as a chance to have a quiet sit down/nap. As it turned out I had one lie down all day and felt great.
    Talk to your venue about quiet areas you can use, if it's a hotel get access to your bedroom.
    Stress really causes bad flare ups for me and it seems like the family are causing you more stress than the planning! I know it's easier said than done but try to minimise the stress you're under. Delegate to bridesmaids or the groom where possible. Remember that you'll never please everyone and you shouldn't have to.

    By the day we got married I'd achieved a zen like state because I realised that even if the flowers didn't arrive, his sister kicked up a fuss about the way the hairdresser had done her hair or the cake fell over, I'd still get to marry my best friend. And that's the whole point of this big circus!

    P.S. Both my bridesmaids ripped their dresses - one before the ceremony started and the hotel double booked a load of guest rooms - I didn't care!
    Focus on you and the groom, talk to him about your worries and let him support you. Congratulations and I hope it all goes well for you.
    hellytheelephant and Nightingale like this.