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A Choice

Blog entry posted by Lisa, Aug 2, 2010.

In life we have choices. Choosing gives us power. When we are thrust into a situation in which we have very little choice, it can leave one feeling very powerless. Thus has been my situation been for the many years I've been homeless in this very tent.

Until now.

For years we have tried to find a way out of our situation and seem to have only dug ourselves in deeper and deeper each time.

We tried to build a house - now we are in debt we can barely cover due to our increasing medical expenses, can not finish building because the majority of the money ran out years ago, and are now left with a half finished structure too toxic for us to live in.

Three years ago we started an intensive regime of supplements which did show much promise in healing us - then a misstep with adding just the wrong type of a much needed nutrient (b12) and all our hard regained health crashed around us in a matter of a few weeks. This was the instigator of the crash from which we are only just starting to pull out of finally, a full year later.

Stuck in a difficult situation, all the motivation in the world to pull yourself out of it yet chained to a body incapable of hardly even moving at times for the most basic of needs. Its enough to drive a person nuts.

While these last few months have passed by and our health declined further and further, all thoughts turned to escape from this situation, no matter the cost. I started rooting through all the ads for rental housing, day after day, looking for the "perfect" place for all our needs - super cheap, hardwood or tile floors, no fresh paint or remodeling, no pest control, no mold, no super close neighbors, no gas appliances, and a landlord willing to work with our MCS problems ... in other words, looking for the near impossible.

Even assuming we found a place that matched everything, it would still have the possibility of not being right for us depending on the lifestyle of the last few tenants. If they had been incense burners, smokers, strong laundry soap users, heavy perfume wearers, or any number of other highly toxic aromatic things in daily life, then that too would rule a place out.

Yeah.. darn near impossible at this time.

And then a few weeks ago, Jeremy and I came upon a Choice.

We could keep going crazy looking for an exit to the cage we found ourselves in these last eight years or find within ourselves the key to dissolving the cage bars surrounding us and finally be free again.

I am not entirely sure how we found the ability to liberate our minds from the cage, thus freeing our souls, but I do know it started with a choice to stay.

All these years I never felt like it was by my own choosing to be here in a tent. It was always circumstance that forced my hand, left me no other options. Left me powerless.

As simple as it seems, we decided that barring unforeseen changes we would stay here for the next solid year, work very diligently and without deviation from a healing plan we wrote out that day, and most importantly - we made a choice to stop pacing the confines of the cage but to instead embrace the life around us as our own.

And with that we were freed.
<img alt="Free Wild Horses" src="http://a.imageshack.us/img819/2038/2289765395f74d2ae5b1.jpg" title="Free Wild Horses" class="aligncenter" width="500" height="333" />
  1. Lisa
    Thanks for the link Jen! :)
  2. jenbooks
    Hi Jen! I hadn't thought of posting in CL for Portland too. Seattle and Portland should yield more results for sure! Also had not thought of the AFM foil tape. I have never used it but we used many of their sealers on various parts of the house building fiasco and they worked well for us. I'll get some ordered up so we can test it asap! Thanks very much for the great ideals!

    Hi there. It's Advanced Foil Systems tape. It's aluminum tape and very easy to use and adheres well. I'm sure it would seal off the PVC vocs. You might end up cutting it in half lengthwise so you have thinner slices to wrap around PVC tent poles. I've used it in multiple applications and it holds up well. It's surprisingly versatile and durable. Here's the link:

    http://www.afs-foil.com/pages/AFS_Detail.asp?ProductID=2446

    Call and ask their advice, they're nice.
  3. Lisa
    Hi LIsa congradulations on coming to grips with the situation.

    If you can describe the ammount of monthly rent you an afford for a MCS freindly place you need, maybe you will find someboyd here with a good situation and willing to rent ot you. You never know.

    Here is a link for ecnchat. A yahoo groups that is for people with MCS, just in case you didn't know. there may be some people there looking for room mates or something.

    http://lists.sonic.net/mailman/listinfo/ehn-chat

    Good luck. Mark

    Hi Mark! Great to see you again. :) Our monthly rent really could only be about $100/mo or something more but with all utilities. Anything more and we end up doing the skimp on our medical stuff which is always a scary thing to contemplate. Thanks for the link to the group, I had not heard of that one. :) A roommate situation would be really nice if we can recover enough to handle another person - I'll admit to getting a bit wearisome of only having Jeremy's company at times! lol :) At least his dad is good for a laugh now and then. :)
  4. Lisa
    Another thought is to buy the AFM foil tape, and simply get the PVC vinyl and wrap the tape around it. It would be a slightly tedious task for a few hours.

    Hi Jen! I hadn't thought of posting in CL for Portland too. Seattle and Portland should yield more results for sure! Also had not thought of the AFM foil tape. I have never used it but we used many of their sealers on various parts of the house building fiasco and they worked well for us. I'll get some ordered up so we can test it asap! Thanks very much for the great ideals!
  5. Lisa
    Thanks, Lisa. How is the hydroxyb12 helping you? Also, what does Dr. Buscher say about your fog?

    Hi tahoma! The hydroxyb12 is helping in many unseen ways - until we miss a shot. We notice within about six hours if we miss our usual every three day shot and if we wait till the next day we start to feel run down, sluggish, and just kinda more blah. I haven't spoken with Dr. Buscher specifically on fixing the brain fog, we're focusing more on trying to stabilize us and begin dextoxing while dealing with some of the more immediate problems (various infections, etc). I have times where I wonder "why isn't Dr. B trying to fix more stuff?" but then remember its because we don't react well to most things, many therapies are still too advanced for our weakened condition.
  6. markmc20001
    Hi LIsa congradulations on coming to grips with the situation.

    If you can describe the ammount of monthly rent you an afford for a MCS freindly place you need, maybe you will find someboyd here with a good situation and willing to rent ot you. You never know.

    Here is a link for ecnchat. A yahoo groups that is for people with MCS, just in case you didn't know. there may be some people there looking for room mates or something.

    http://lists.sonic.net/mailman/listinfo/ehn-chat

    Good luck. Mark
  7. jenbooks
    Lisa, I think the craigslist idea is a great one. And do it for any city or town within 2 hours of you (on each CL site) because a lot of people are hard up for extra money these days and I bet there is someone who can jerryrig poles for you. The couple who had the queen bed aluminum frame in their tent--he was handy--he had affixed some other bars to it to make it stronger and then added plywood--he made a hinged plywood thing to put under the air mattrress. Many people are very handy. I'm sure something can be made.

    Another thought is to buy the AFM foil tape, and simply get the PVC vinyl and wrap the tape around it. It would be a slightly tedious task for a few hours. You'd have to cut pieces of tape and wrap around carefully. But that foil tape seals in any VOCs. It would be an easy solution and I'm sure it would work as I've used it to seal in nasty vocs on things, including a kitchen cart with a stinky perfumed butcher board top that reeked throughout my whole apartment. Putting the foil tape on completely sealed it and I was able to use the cart.
  8. tahoma
    Thanks, Lisa. How is the hydroxyb12 helping you? Also, what does Dr. Buscher say about your fog?
  9. Lisa
    thisSuch an important message for everyone with a chronic illness. Resentment, anger, frustration - while natural reactions to such a situation are just so hard on the body. If you have to be somewhere - to be in some situation - far far better to make peace with it than rail against it all the time. Congratulations.

    (Cloud - love the new iteration of the avatar by the way :))

    I agree Cort! I'm feeling myself going slowly back to more of a calm place instead of the flight/fight one I've been in for about the last 18 months, even since the big snow storm had a tree just about fall on our tent.

    Thank you Cort!
  10. Lisa
    I love this post Lisa...thank you. It made me smile huge. You and Jeremy are my hero's.

    We must transcend that which holds us. And when a person is able to do that by choice with a challenge so great, it's amazing and it's an absolute miracle...that is if you consider a Miracle to be a shift in perception.

    Hello Cloud! Excellent post! :) Honest, I'm not biased at all by being called a hero. hehe :)

    You know, I hadn't thought of it as a Miracle, but I really do see your idea behind this. On this end it does indeed feel a fair bit miraculous actually because the head/life place I was in just two months ago was so drastically different than where I am now.

    So yes, I think anything that can bring about such a tremendous new dawn on an exceptionally dark night could indeed be called a Miracle. Thank you very much for the insight, Cloud. :)