Blog entries from Dainty

Dainty has a total of 39 entries.

  1. Dainty
    Today I walked into a food bank for the first time. It's taken me three months of homelessness to reach this point. SSI is a little over $700/month, food stamps are $116, and so long as my only purchases are gas, food, and the barest of necessities it's doable. Unfortunately three months straight of vehicle breakdowns left me short, and it wasn't long before the credit card maxed out, too....
    Dainty, Mar 19, 2015
  2. Dainty
    It's been so long since I've wandered over to this part of the web. Life has been ridiculous, but good. I'm still too ill to care for myself even living in a house, and yet I'm somehow eeking out survival from a van on the streets of Seattle with more happiness and freedom than I've experienced my entire life so far. Living in an unheated, sparsely insulated metal box through the winter isn't...
    Dainty, Feb 25, 2015
  3. Dainty
    I don't know where to even start. I was so close. I was healing. I was recovering. Then I had a few hour's notice to find somewhere else to sleep. The fan I'd been using as protective white noise for months was suddenly "too disruptive" for my dad to sleep, and without warning he put his foot down and said not another night. And I was left scrambling. I was still welcome to stay at the...
    Dainty, Oct 31, 2014
  4. Dainty
    So, recovering from being almost completely room-bound and MCS so severe that the only clothing I could tolerate was homemade from unbleached undyed organic cotton material that had been boiled, soaked, and washed for months before it could even be made into clothing... ...I find myself with a clothing problem. As in, not having enough. And hating all my old stuff (which is mostly just...
    Dainty, Oct 5, 2014
  5. Dainty
    It's heartbreaking, how courageously my body tries to heal. Uproot me from wherever I'm staying on a few hour's notice, resulting in a scramble to pack everything up and no energy to unpack and settle in. I'm here on the couch, I managed to get the food in the fridge and change from jeans to sweatpants and that's it. And yet, when I curl into the uncomfortable couch's pillows and pull the...
    Dainty, Sep 22, 2014
  6. Dainty
    "But wait a minute! I thought you were doing better!" I am, folks, trust me. You see, my improvement has all happened outwards, expanding away from the house, because I share a house with people I find very stressful to be around. My long time caregiver used to handle the basics for me, but both she and I have found that far too stressful so it's no longer happening. Simply put, I choose to pour...
    Dainty, Jun 22, 2014
  7. Dainty
    Since my last entry, some people have commented trying to help me feel better about how my living conditions really aren't as bad as they seem. And while I appreciate the intention, it betrays a lack of understanding on a similar level as a healthy person saying, "it's okay, we all get tired sometimes" regarding CFS. Because I'm not talking about a little clutter - I'm talking about the ability...
    Dainty, Jun 18, 2014
  8. Dainty
    He asked me if I had trouble with hygiene - I burst out crying. I've been trying to find out whether I can get home health care services from a government program. My therapist said I should be able to, so I spent 3 hours (!!!) on the phone last week being bounced around from agency to agency until I reached a dead end that said basically "we're overstaffed, leave a message and we might call you...
    Dainty, Jun 17, 2014
  9. Dainty
    I've been officially diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the trauma this illness has put me through. It was validating to hear that. My therapist mentioned that lots of people don't like the diagnosis of PTSD because they associate it with being in a war zone, to which I immediately retorted: "I've BEEN in a war zone!!" "Exactly!" was her reply. I think we're going to get along...
    Dainty, Jun 3, 2014
  10. Dainty
    This past week I've connected with someone online who lives in my area. We're both enjoying the potential friendship that's forming, though it's too early to say for sure what will happen with that. He doesn't know I'm sick. ...but that's not to say I've been concealing the fact. We first began conversing about local places and events, and I just would casually say "I haven't been there" when...
    Dainty, Jun 2, 2014
  11. Dainty
    I achieved a lot of accomplishments today. Big stuff, in my world. Little stuff, by normal people's standards. But I did it. I went to the dentist for a bite adjustment after major dental work yesterday that was causing me pain. I returned some items at a local shop and purchased a pair of socks that actually fits me. I now own one pair of socks and one pair of shoes that fits me. PROGRESS!!!!...
    Dainty, May 8, 2014
  12. Dainty
    In a normal person's life, personal crises are occasional. They happen infrequently enough that one can excuse themselves from work or meetings or events or other responsibilities on account of that. I began to think of this the other day when I realized I'm now well enough to attend events, even on a bad day when I'm "dragged" through them lying down at every opportunity and opting out of...
    Dainty, Apr 17, 2014
  13. Dainty
    It wasn't out of laziness or anxiety that I hadn't seen a dentist. For the first few years I was too busy fighting for my life. The last time I'd seen a dentist was 4 years ago for a brief set of x-rays, but no work was done on the cavities because there were too many life-threatening things going on. I knew my teeth were getting worse, and I fought hard for them. Problem is, I'm intolerant to...
    Dainty, Feb 28, 2014
  14. Dainty
    I was having a particularly bad night of insomnia, and someone I'd known around PR for a while was offering to teach me a technique to help it. Of course I was interested - I'd already tried everything else, I was game for just about anything. Except this. I'd always thought I was pretty good at the lifestyle management thing. I rested as much as I could, got up when the pain was too severe,...
    Dainty, Feb 14, 2014
  15. Dainty
    I still vividly remember the first few moments my PEM melted away. It was like magic. I was shocked; in awe. 6 years of that curse turning my mostly bedridden life into a special hell if I dared to overdo, ever. And sometimes ever without overdoing. Just for kicks. The only way I could ever really describe PEM is "fatigue so extreme it should be rated as a form of pain." The sheer magnitude...
    Dainty, Feb 13, 2014